SPAM!

[Chris]

Well would you lookie-here, I won!!

 

Message-Id: <20071005151349.D2609236DBC@p15105247.pureserver.info> Date: Fri, 5 Oct 2007 17:13:49 +0200 (CEST) THE COCA COLA COMPANY PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD 14 Kingfisher Square Staunton Street, Deptford, London, SE8 5DA UNITED KINGDOM Congratulations! THE COCA COLA COMPANY E-MAIL WINNING PRIZE NOTIFICATION We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded annual final draws held on the (10th of June, 2007) by Coca-Cola in conjunction with the British American Tobacco Worldwide Promotion,your email was amongthe 20 Lucky winners who won € 1,700,000.00 Euros.each on the THE COCA COLA COMPANY PROMOTION However the results were released on the 25 th of Sept, 2007 and your email was attached to ticket number (7PWYZ2007) and ballot number (BT:12052007/20)The online draws was conducted by a random selection of email addresses from an exclusive list of (29,031)E-mail addresses of individuals and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the internet.However, no tickets were sold but all email addresses were assigned to different ticket numbers for representation and privacy. The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerized email selection machine (TOPAZ) from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world This Lottery is approved by the British Gaming Board and also Licensed by the The International Association of Gaming Regulators (IAGR).This lottery is the 3rd of its kind and we intend to sensitize the Public in other to claim your prize winning, € 1,700,000.00 Euros which has been deposited in a designated bank. However,you will have to fill the form below and send it to the Promotion manager of THE COCA COLA COMPANY for verification and then you will be directed to the bank where a cheque of € 1,700,000.00 Euros has already been deposited in your favour. NAME:..................................... AGE:........................................ SEX:........................................ ADDRESS:............................... EMAIL:.................................... PHONE:................................... OCCUPATION:......................... COMPANY:.............................. COUNTRY:............................... Please you are adviced to complete the form and send it immediately to our Promotion manager through email or fax for prompt collection of your fund from the designated bank. ========================================= CONTACT PROMOTION MANAGER ========================================= Name:Mr.Bobert Michael, Phone # : +44 (0) 704 570 5538 FAX # : +44 (0) 704 570 699 E MAIL: info_cocacolaprizeaward2007@yahoo.co.uk Your Sincerely, Management ================================================================================

======================== Note: Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will result to,disqualification Anybody under the age of 16 cannot participate in this programme do Not Reply To This Office As You Are To Contact The Promotion Manager with Your Informations To Enable Processing Of Winnings.

[Fat Freddy]

Note: Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will result to,disqualification

 

Sorry Ryche, I think by posting that message in this thread, you breached confidentiality. So you ain't gettin' any $$$!!

[Chris]

Note: Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will result to,disqualification

 

Sorry Ryche, I think by posting that message in this thread, you breached confidentiality. So you ain't gettin' any $$$!!

Awww too bad. Probably the only thing I could spend that $$ on is Ian's bad soccer team.

[Chris]

His father got dead...

 

 

From Bright Williams

Abidjan

Ivory coast

 

My Dear Please Permit me to inform you of my mind, Because I have make up my mind to contact you through this media after going through your profile i decided to contact you for assisting me as a foreign business relation to my late father.

 

My Name is Bright Williams, i was born to the family of Mr. Williams Okeke.and my father Name is Thompson he was a very wealthy gold and cocoa merchant who based in ACCRA and ABIDJAN respectively, and my mother's name is Sheila.and I am there only child.well when i was a kid i went to a private schools and things was going on well for me and my parents till when i was in high school when my mother died on the 21ST october 2000 , My father took me so special because i am motherless. and he shower all his love on me.

 

My father got dead recently.but before the death of my father on the 12th December 2004 in a private hospital here in Abidjan, he called me secretly to his bed side and told me that he deposited the sum of ten million United State Dollars.($10, 000 000 00) in one bank here in Abidjan the capital city of my country Cote D'Ivoire for investment puposes.

 

He also explained to me that it was because of this money he was poisoned by his business partner and that i should seek for foreign partner in a country of my choice where i would investment this money if it happens that i could not see him anymore.

 

Plesae, i am honourably soliciting your kind assistance as follows.

1) To assist me and stand as my father's foreign business relation to get this money transfered to you for investment purposes to your country.

2) To serve as the guardian of these fund,since i am too small to handle such amount.

3)To make arrangement for me in your country to continue my educational career and to procure me a residential permit in your country.

 

I am inclined to offer you 15% of the total sum as a mode of compensation for your effort after the successful transfering of this money into any of your nominated account.

 

I am expecting to hear from you immediately after you got this mail and please fowared to me your persnal informations at the same time as soon as you reply i will send to you the deposit sertificate which my late father use to deposit the money and also give to you the bank contact where the money is deposited for you to contact them after that you comfirm to me your williness and to comfirm to me that you are not going to betraled me at last when my money will be transfered in to your account please if you know that you are trustful then respond so that we can do this together as i am only 22 years and will like to explain to you that you are going to take care of this money and the investment until i finish my education wich is the most inportant thing to me now.

God bless you.

Bright Williams

[Fat Freddy]

Yet ANOTHER big money offer finds its way to my inbox!! This guy's sign off line made me chuckle cuz it reminded me of PLEASE REPLY NOW guy.

 

VERY CONFIDENTIAL

 

Good Day, I am Mr.DEMA IYALS, Secretary to the Senior Credit Officer of BANK OF AFRICA (BOA) here in Burkina Faso.Here is a 100% concealed and mutually profitable business proposal for you. After the United States and Iraqi war, our client Hatem Kamil Abdul Fatah who was the deputy governor of Baghdad in Iraq and also business man made a numbered a deposit with a value of (15M) FIFTEEN MILLION British Pounds only in our Bank here in Burkina Faso. We later found out that the Deputy Governor has been assasinated in Baghdad.The websites below is a proof and verification of the news about his death:

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/worl...ast/3970619.stm

http://www.uslaboragainstwar.org/article.php?id=6979

 

After further investigation, it was also discovered that Hatem Kamil Abdul Fatah did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of the fund. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Fifteen million British pounds is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. I will like you as a neutral person to stand in as the next of kin to Hatem Kamil Abdul Fatah so that you will be able to receive his funds with my assistance as the insider.

 

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out and i have done all the underground work of this business so that we come out successful.

 

All that is required from you now is for you to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that i can fix in your name as the NEXT OF KIN and send you an application letter which you will fill in and forward to the bank for the claim. There are no risks involved in the matter, in as much as you follow up my instructions and directives as an insider, we will achieve our aim.

 

Once the fund have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall share in the ratio of 60% for me, 30% for you and 10% for any expenses incurred during the course of this operation.If you are interested, please send me your private phone and fax numbers for easy communication,and i will provide you with more details of this transaction.

 

PLEASE RESPOND TO ME IMMEDIATELY.

 

Regards,

Mr.Dema Iyals

[Chris]

Here's a new one. Business loan. You forgot to use spell check, fuckers.

 

BLUE DOLPHIN FINANCIAL COMPANY.

Head Office:

56 Dibdin House Maida Vale

London W9 1QE UK

Tel: (44) 70 457 62291 / (44) 704 571 5696

Email: bluedolphin.loan@yahoo.co.uk

 

 

We are private lenders and we offer all categories of loan to Business Men and Women / companies who are into business transaction. Our head office in London, and sub-office in Hong Kong, Germany, South Africa and Nigeria

We give out long/short term loans (MAXUMUM 10 YEARS) with your interest; With this, you can as well tell us the amount you need to enable the us send you the terms and condition (that is if you are really interested in getting a loan).

 

Loan is given out in Pounds(£) and United State Dollars($) the maximum we give is 5,000,000 both in Pounds(£) and United State Dollars($) and the minimum £5,000/$5,000.

 

If you are interested, kindly provide us with the below information;

 

1. Ful Name

2. Contact Address

3. Tel/Fax Number

4. Country

5. Amount Needed (as loan)

6. Duration

7. Occupation

 

Do contact us ONLY via the below information:

 

Hendrix Richardson

Blue Dolphin Financial Company

United Kingdom

Email: bluedolphin.loan@yahoo.co.uk

Tel: (44) 70 457 62291 / (44) 704 571 5696

[Fat Freddy]

The Africans are offering me big money again... WOW, FIVETHEEN MILLION DOLLARS!!!... as always, the "Engrish" is irresistibly hilarious (I highlighted some of my favorite bits)

 

From The Desk Of MR ACHMAD

The Head Of File Department,

African Development Bank (A.D..

Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso West Africa .

 

PLANE CRASH WEB SITE...http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm.

REMITTANCE OF US$15,000.000 DOLLARS

 

CONFIDENTIAL IS THE CASE")

 

Compliments Of The Season,

Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and

may offend your personality for contacting you without your prior consent and writing through this channel. I got your contact from the proffesional data base found in the internet Yahoo tourist search.When i was searching for a foreign reliable partner.I assured of your capability and reliability to champion this business opportunity.

After series of prayers/fasting.i was divinely directed to contact you

among other names found in the data base Yahoo tourist search.I believe that God has a way of helping who is in need.

I am (mrACHMAD),the Head of file Department in African development bank (ADB).

In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of ( FIVETHEEN MILLION U.S.A DOLLARS) . In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in (Monday 31st July 2000) in a plane crash. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines, but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died along side with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and one official in my department now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don’t want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after a certain period of years, the money will be transferred into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner, and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. We agree that 30% of this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 10% will be set aside for expenses incured during the business and 60% would be for me and my woman colleague. There after i will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated.

Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relations or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name, your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where the money will be remitted.Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.

You should contact me on my cell phone number immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Your’s faithfully,

mr ACHMAD

FROM (ADB) OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO.

GOD BLESSINGS,PROTECTIONS AND GUIDIANCE TO YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.

(FILL THIS FORM BELLOW PLEASE AND RESEND IT TO ME).

1) Your Full Name.............................

2) Your Age.......................................

3) Marital Status................................

4) Your Cell Phone Number…………..

5) Your Fax Number……………….....

6) Your Country………………..............

7) Your Occupation............................

8) Sex................................................

9) Your Religion.................................

10) Your Private E-mail Adress...........

[aMetalhead1966]

Here's one I just Got...Don't know about this one??

 

 

 

 

Subject: what are you sale

To:

 

Greetings,My name is GEOFF, i am highly interested in buying

your Def Leppard X CD from you ,I will like you to give me the

FINAL ASKING price and the lastes condition,also i will like you to

scan the pics for me for proper verifycation.As for the shipping,I have

a liable shipper that takes goods care of all my shipping .i will be paying

with a cartified cashier check is the payment method.So pls email me back so

that we can conclude about it. and i will like you to feed me out of this

info...Name... Address... City.... State.... Country... Phone# I await ur this

info so that i can fax it down to my client that will send u thecashiers

check.hope this is acceptable ,email me ASAP....... pls REGARDs Geoff

[heaven&hell]

Here's one I just Got...Don't know about this one??

 

 

 

 

Subject: what are you sale

To:

 

Greetings,My name is GEOFF, i am highly interested in buying

your Def Leppard X CD from you ,I will like you to give me the

FINAL ASKING price and the lastes condition,also i will like you to

scan the pics for me for proper verifycation.As for the shipping,I have

a liable shipper that takes goods care of all my shipping .i will be paying

with a cartified cashier check is the payment method.So pls email me back so

that we can conclude about it. and i will like you to feed me out of this

info...Name... Address... City.... State.... Country... Phone# I await ur this

info so that i can fax it down to my client that will send u thecashiers

check.hope this is acceptable ,email me ASAP....... pls REGARDs Geoff

 

 

 

 

 

Wait a minute, I didn't know that you owned 'X'.

[aMetalhead1966]

Here's one I just Got...Don't know about this one??

 

 

 

 

Subject: what are you sale

To:

 

Greetings,My name is GEOFF, i am highly interested in buying

your Def Leppard X CD from you ,I will like you to give me the

FINAL ASKING price and the lastes condition,also i will like you to

scan the pics for me for proper verifycation.As for the shipping,I have

a liable shipper that takes goods care of all my shipping .i will be paying

with a cartified cashier check is the payment method.So pls email me back so

that we can conclude about it. and i will like you to feed me out of this

info...Name... Address... City.... State.... Country... Phone# I await ur this

info so that i can fax it down to my client that will send u thecashiers

check.hope this is acceptable ,email me ASAP....... pls REGARDs Geoff

 

 

 

 

 

Wait a minute, I didn't know that you owned 'X'.

Yes I unfortunately I got it at a garage sale..I didn't know it was that bad...

[Blue Charvel]

Here's one I just Got...Don't know about this one??

 

 

 

 

Subject: what are you sale

To:

 

Greetings,My name is GEOFF, i am highly interested in buying

your Def Leppard X CD from you ,I will like you to give me the

FINAL ASKING price and the lastes condition,also i will like you to

scan the pics for me for proper verifycation.As for the shipping,I have

a liable shipper that takes goods care of all my shipping .i will be paying

with a cartified cashier check is the payment method.So pls email me back so

that we can conclude about it. and i will like you to feed me out of this

info...Name... Address... City.... State.... Country... Phone# I await ur this

info so that i can fax it down to my client that will send u thecashiers

check.hope this is acceptable ,email me ASAP....... pls REGARDs Geoff

 

 

 

 

 

Wait a minute, I didn't know that you owned 'X'.

Yes I unfortunately I got it at a garbage sale..

That should've been your first clue.

[aMetalhead1966]

Here's one I just Got...Don't know about this one??

 

 

 

 

Subject: what are you sale

To:

 

Greetings,My name is GEOFF, i am highly interested in buying

your Def Leppard X CD from you ,I will like you to give me the

FINAL ASKING price and the lastes condition,also i will like you to

scan the pics for me for proper verifycation.As for the shipping,I have

a liable shipper that takes goods care of all my shipping .i will be paying

with a cartified cashier check is the payment method.So pls email me back so

that we can conclude about it. and i will like you to feed me out of this

info...Name... Address... City.... State.... Country... Phone# I await ur this

info so that i can fax it down to my client that will send u thecashiers

check.hope this is acceptable ,email me ASAP....... pls REGARDs Geoff

 

 

 

 

 

Wait a minute, I didn't know that you owned 'X'.

Yes I unfortunately I got it at a garbage sale..

That should've been your first clue.

[Fat Freddy]

Woooo, this one is SNEAKY...

 

From: "MasterCard" <mastercard@decuritydepartment.com>

Subject: Please reactivate your card

Date: Wed, 7 Nov 2007 13:01:17 -0800

 

Dear MasterCard customer,

 

We regret to inform you that we have received numerous fraudulent emails which ask for personal account information. The emails contained links to fraudulent pages that looked legit.

 

Please remember that we will never ask for personal account information via email or web pages.

 

Because of this we are launching a new security system to make MasterCard accounts more secure

and safe. To take advatage of our new consumer Identity Theft Protection Program we had to deactivate access to your card account.

 

To activate it please call us immediately at (641) 665-6048

 

Activation is free of charge and will take place as soon as you finish the activation process.

 

Two problems with it... first of all, I don't even HAVE a Mastercard, and second, notice the e-mail address sez "Mastercard@Decuritydepartment.com" (what's "Decurity?")

 

These bastards are getting slicker by the day... I say we all start calling that phone # at 3 AM offering them free gay porn

[Fat Freddy]

Here's another goody from those fine folks in Nigeria... apparently I have performed some sort of "illegal act" that is preventing me from receiving swift payment of my money!! I swear, Mr. President, it wasn't me, it was one of those damn "impostors!" Now where's my ATM card?

 

OFFICE OF THE DIRECTOR OF OPERATION

OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY

 

ATTENTION HONORABLE BENEFICIARY,

 

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FULFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE PAYMENT.

 

SECONDLY, WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK,ALL YOUR ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THIS HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISH TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM. RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM MR. PRESIDENT,UMARU

 

MUSA YAR'ADUA (GCFR) PRESIDENT

FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF

NIGERIA

AND FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE.

 

THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD,BUT THE MAXIMUM IS ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS PER DAY, SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECIEVE YOUR FUND THIS WAY PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING THE CARD PAYMENT CENTER AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION TO HIM IN ORDER TO PROCEED IMMEDIATELY:

 

1. FULL NAME

2. PHONE AND FAX NUMBER

3. ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND

THE ATM CARD TO(P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE)

4. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION

5. A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION

 

HOWEVER, KINDLY FIND BELOW THE CONTACT PERSON:

DR KENNETH LUIS

 

DIRECTOR, ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT

PHONE NO: +234 806 500 3556

EMAIL: oceanic_bankplc_811@yahoo.com

 

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT

($8,300,000.00) AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2007. ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMUNICATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(s) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR ATM PAYMENT.

 

FOR ORAL DISCUSSION, I CAN BE REACHED ON OR EMAIL ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR FURTHER DIRECTION AND ALSO UPDATE ME ON ANY DEVELOPMENT FROM THE ABOVE MENTIONED OFFICE.

 

NOTE THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HEREBY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT, WHICH IS (ATM-811) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT.

 

BEST REGARDS,

 

DR ATIKU BELLO

 

CHIEF AUDITOR TO THE PRESIDENT

FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA

[Fat Freddy]

Here's a good "Engrish" one that I received earlier... the subject line sez "Do Not Be Shy Of Your Machine Size"

 

Your woman does not admire to jazz it with you by reason of your

aggregate size.

 

This is your possibility to solve the trouble.

 

All you have to do is just use our male instrument enlargement.

 

Your sexual life will change promptly.

 

http://carmsda.com

[Evil Rick]

Here's a good "Engrish" one that I received earlier... the subject line sez "Do Not Be Shy Of Your Machine Size"

 

Your woman does not admire to jazz it with you by reason of your

aggregate size.

 

This is your possibility to solve the trouble.

 

All you have to do is just use our male instrument enlargement.

 

Your sexual life will change promptly.

 

http://carmsda.com

My wife hasn't admired to jazz with me for a while. I thought it was because my instrument was out of tune. I guess I just need a bigger trumpet.

[HighNDryRulz]

Here's a good "Engrish" one that I received earlier... the subject line sez "Do Not Be Shy Of Your Machine Size"

 

Your woman does not admire to jazz it with you by reason of your

aggregate size.

 

This is your possibility to solve the trouble.

 

All you have to do is just use our male instrument enlargement.

 

Your sexual life will change promptly.

 

http://carmsda.com

 

Did you check out the link?

[Fat Freddy]

Here's a good "Engrish" one that I received earlier... the subject line sez "Do Not Be Shy Of Your Machine Size"

 

Your woman does not admire to jazz it with you by reason of your

aggregate size.

 

This is your possibility to solve the trouble.

 

All you have to do is just use our male instrument enlargement.

 

Your sexual life will change promptly.

 

http://carmsda.com

 

Did you check out the link?

 

Hell no. I am not at all shy of my machine size, and my woman admires to jazz it with me quite often, so she's fine with my aggregate. This message was obviously meant for someone else

[HighNDryRulz]

Here's a good "Engrish" one that I received earlier... the subject line sez "Do Not Be Shy Of Your Machine Size"

 

Your woman does not admire to jazz it with you by reason of your

aggregate size.

 

This is your possibility to solve the trouble.

 

All you have to do is just use our male instrument enlargement.

 

Your sexual life will change promptly.

 

http://carmsda.com

 

Did you check out the link?

 

Hell no. I am not at all shy of my machine size, and my woman admires to jazz it with me quite often, so she's fine with my aggregate. This message was obviously meant for someone else

[Evil Rick]

I just got this one, good for a laugh...

 

My thanks to all those who have sent me e-mails this past year...

 

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

 

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with him for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died interstate.

 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

 

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

 

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

 

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stain s & melt bolts .

 

I no longer can buy gas without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my

 

back seat when I'm filling up.

 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

 

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

 

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the park ing lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

 

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

 

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[Fat Freddy]

Here's another sneaky one...but the lack of English skills gives it away (not to mention the fact that the "Yahoo Mail Center" apparently has a "verizon.net" e-mail address, haha!) Nice try, ya bastards!

 

Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:50:06 -0600 (CST)

From: "Yahoo Mail Center" <mail.center31@verizon.net

 

Subject: Yahoo Warning!!! Account Removal ,Confirm Your Account!!!

 

Due to the congestion in all Yahoo users and removal of all unused

Yahoo Accounts, Yahoo would be shutting down all unused Accounts, You will

have to confirm your E-mail by filling out your Login Information below

after clicking the reply button, or your account will be suspended

within 24 hours for security reasons.

 

* Username: ..............................

 

* Password: ................................

 

* Date of Birth: ............................

 

* Country Or Territory: ................

 

After following the instructions in the sheet, your account will not be

interrupted and will continue as normal. Thanks for your attention to

this request. We apologize for any inconveniences.

 

Warning!!! Account owner that refuses to update his/her account

after two weeks of receiving this warning will lose his or her account

permanently.

[Blue Charvel]

Oh yeah, here's the subject line from a recent SPAM message I got...

 

Perefct ntaural big bobos

 

If there's one thing I love, it's bobos!

 

[Fat Freddy]

This sums up my feelings on the whole "Forward this e-mail to at least 10 people" phenomenon...

 

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

[Blue Charvel]

 

Absolutely backed!

[Chris]

 

That was priceless.