SPAM!

[Blue Charvel]

... so what's the most interesting, ridiculous, enticing pice of crap that's ended up in your Inbox lately?

[Fat Freddy]

Spam, spam, spam, spam, spammity spam...wonderful spam....

 

Sorry, had a Monty Python Moment there.

 

I get a lot of spam mails about "Pharmacy News" which seem to come from a different screen name every time but are always the same message:

"Sensational Revolution in Medicine!"

Then it goes on to tell me how I can add length and "rigidity" to my ....er... well, you know.

 

Fortunately I don't need such help at this time but it's nice to know there are so many people willing to aid me if I ever do need it! (Sarcasm mode "on")

[whiplash1972]

Well, it's not exactly spam, but this email I received about "forwards" is pretty good!

 

 

 

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have

taken the time

and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.

Thank you for

making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

 

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the

glue on

envelopes cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I

need to seal

an envelope.

 

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

 

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because

it can remove

toilet stains.

 

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who

make these

products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

 

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes

cancer.

 

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I

could be

pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

 

I no longer use deodorant! -since it causes cancer, even

though I smell

like a water buffalo on a hot day.

 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug

me with a

perfume sample and rob me.

 

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or

FedEx since

they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to

dial a number

for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,

Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

 

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually

horrible mutant

freaks with no eyes or feathers.

 

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I

receive my

free replacement pair from Nike.

 

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus

since I now

have their recipe.

 

 

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have

363,214

angels looking out for me.

 

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my

prayers if I

forward a e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within

five

minutes.

 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl

who is

about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

 

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once

I receive

the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

participating in

their special email program, never mind the $80 million that

Bill Gates is

supposed to send!

 

 

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that

I will now

return the favor!

 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in

the next 7

minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will

land on your

head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur

because it

actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's

ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

[Blue Charvel]

I get a lot of spam mails about "Pharmacy News" which seem to come from a different screen name every time but are always the same message:

"Sensational Revolution in Medicine!"

Then it goes on to tell me how I can add length and "rigidity" to my ....er... well, you know.

 

Fingers? Nose? I don't get it.

[Fat Freddy]

Do I have to draw you a picture Blue?

 

I was tryin' to be modest, there may be small children and nuns reading this board, y'know.

[Bubbasmama]

I get a lot of spam mails about "Pharmacy News" which seem to come from a different screen name every time but are always the same message:

"Sensational Revolution in Medicine!"

Then it goes on to tell me how I can add length and "rigidity" to my ....er... well, you know.

 

Fingers? Nose? I don't get it.

 

 

HAHAHAHA............I've gotten the same one!!!! Ummmmmmmmm............ok.

[Blue Charvel]

Thanks FF, being a devout fundamentalist like I am, I sometimes miss deviant double meanings.

 

Now here's something useful I got from my "buddy" Landon Smith who emailed me at my BrutalMetal.com addy.

 

From: "Landon Smith" <news1@greatcallcenter.com> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert

To: bluecharvel @brutalmetal.com

Subject: Hey buddy, whats up

Date: Fri, 05 May 2006 16:40:42 +0800

 

 

Now wouldn't you think based on the product, that the "Steel" package would be the one you want, gold for instance is notorious for being soft...

 

And what "exercises" do you think they have in the free exercise manual?

[Fat Freddy]

I get a lot of spam mails about "Pharmacy News" which seem to come from a different screen name every time but are always the same message:

"Sensational Revolution in Medicine!"

Then it goes on to tell me how I can add length and "rigidity" to my ....er... well, you know.

 

Fingers? Nose? I don't get it.

 

 

HAHAHAHA............I've gotten the same one!!!! Ummmmmmmmm............ok.

 

The odd thing is that I always get those "Pharmacy News" ones at my work e-mail... never my Yahoo personal mail... I hardly ever get spam in my Yahoo one at all. Go figure

[Bubbasmama]

And what "exercises" do you think they have in the free exercise manual?

 

Dunno.....but I think it comes with a free copy of Billy Squier's "Stroke Me"......

[Blue Charvel]

I get a lot of spam mails about "Pharmacy News" which seem to come from a different screen name every time but are always the same message:

"Sensational Revolution in Medicine!"

Then it goes on to tell me how I can add length and "rigidity" to my ....er... well, you know.

 

Fingers? Nose? I don't get it.

 

 

HAHAHAHA............I've gotten the same one!!!! Ummmmmmmmm............ok.

 

The odd thing is that I always get those "Pharmacy News" ones at my work e-mail... never my Yahoo personal mail... I hardly ever get spam in my Yahoo one at all. Go figure

 

I use my Yahoo addy for pretty much everything and as a result I get about 200 +/- junk mails per day.

 

And what "exercises" do you think they have in the free exercise manual?

 

Dunno.....but I think it comes with a free copy of Billy Squier's "Stroke Me"......

 

Ah, "Lonely is the Night"...

[Evil Rick]

Here is what I have sitting in the junkmail folder:

 

[Blue Charvel]

That's pretty much what mine looks like.

 

BTW thanks for the idea for the topic.

[Bubbasmama]

Here is what I have sitting in the junkmail folder:

 

 

 

 

Oooooh......send me the "drop 25 pounds in 30 days"........does it include drugs????

[Fat Freddy]

Here's one I just got a few minutes ago. This is the fourth one of these I got today (same message, each from a different screen name). I wonder if they're trying to tell me something?

 

Hi

Look, this information might be pretty interesting for you

 

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http://www.cessofanne.com

[Blue Charvel]

Here is what I have sitting in the junkmail folder:

 

 

 

 

Oooooh......send me the "drop 25 pounds in 30 days"........does it include drugs????

 

No, it's a machete, and a diagram of a human body with a dotted line across the neck.

 

 

Here's one I just got a few minutes ago. This is the fourth one of these I got today (same message, each from a different screen name). I wonder if they're trying to tell me something?

 

Hi

Look, this information might be pretty interesting for you

 

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http://www.cessofanne.com

 

Do you have your decoder ring?

[Fat Freddy]

Maybe that "AlexCoppas" guy who started that weird almost-English thread over in FlameFest can translate it from Martian for me

[Blue Charvel]

Maybe that "AlexCoppas" guy who started that weird almost-English thread over in FlameFest can translate it from Martian for me

 

Yeah, see I'm no help. I was sure it was Klingon.

[Fat Freddy]

Klaatu Barada Nikto!

[Evil Rick]

Oooooh......send me the "drop 25 pounds in 30 days"........does it include drugs????

According to the spam I recieve I'm apparently fat, flaccid and in need of low cost medications that will cure both.

[aMetalhead1966]

There's Nuns reading these posts???Wow!!! I am impressed!!!

[Fat Freddy]

There's Nuns reading these posts???Wow!!! I am impressed!!!

 

Yea, they came over from the Heaven's Metal board...

[aMetalhead1966]

There's Nuns reading these posts???Wow!!! I am impressed!!!

 

Yea, they came over from the Heaven's Metal board...

I didn't realize they liked Metal!!I guess it must be a Habit of theirs....HAHAHAHA!!

[Fat Freddy]

There's Nuns reading these posts???Wow!!! I am impressed!!!

 

Yea, they came over from the Heaven's Metal board...

I didn't realize they liked Metal!!I guess it must be a Habit of theirs....HAHAHAHA!!

 

I should've seen that coming...

 

But yea, they love Twisted Sister, White Sister, Bad Habit, etc., etc.

And who do you think wrote "Nuns Have No Fun?" (Badump-PSSH! Rim shot)

[Fat Freddy]

Hey lookie! I got another SPAM!

I've gotten this one a few times in the past too... I don't know who they are or where they're from but I'm glad that they care enough to keep telling me they can design a custom logo for me based on my needs, assuming I ever have a need.

 

 

slx

Our art team creates a custom logo for you, based on your needs. Years of experience have taught us how to create a logo that makes a statement that is unique to you.

In a professional manner we learn about your image and how you would like the world to perceive you and your company. With this information we then create a logo that is not only unique but reflects the purpose of you and your company.

For value and a logo that reflects your image, take a few minutes and visit Logo Maker!

http://disturb.com.logotip-marke.com

Sincerely,

Logo Design Team

[66 mustang]

SEND THIS TO EVERY ONE YOU KNOW

 

 

 

I Promise to do my part to reduce junk mail

 

 

I promise not to just add to the internet junk mail.

 

I promise to check out stories at sites to see if they are real or fake.

 

I promise not to pass along fake stories.

 

I promise to be better this year.

 

I promise that i will send this to everyone in my email address book.

 

I promise i will not believe that something bad will happen if i don't forward an email

 

I promise i will not believe that someone will get money for every email i forward.

 

I promise not to believe every missing child, sick child and give away email i get and pass them along without checking them out.

 

I promise not to believe every fake virus alert without checking them out first.

 

I promise to do my part to clean up our email problem. We have enough Spam and virus' around

 

I promise i will send this to everyone i know. this is on here twice because it is important!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I promise to use these sites to check out for fake stories and hoaxes

http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/HBHoaxIndex.html

 

http://www.truthorfiction.com/

 

if you can't forward this there is something wrong with this whole picture. you will send out a ton of junk mail, now is your chance to help reduce it.