Hey Geoff

[Geoff]

Geoff,

 

Before the invention of Toilet Paper did people wipe their ass with their hands?

 

 

Signed,

 

Cousin Wes

Hi Cousin Wes,

 

No, before toilet paper was invented, children were taught at an early age to extend their tongues for "the job". This is actually how lizards came into existence. Many think lizards preceded humans, but it was in fact the other way round, when lizards stemmed from these "Long-Tongue Kids". It wasn't all disgusting, though. Once the child was finished it's business with it's slithery tongue, the village jester would wipe his/her tongue with his hair, which he then washed at the local stream at sunset each day.

[Fat Freddy]

Hey Geoff:

I came up with a great question to ask you in this thread earlier today, but now of course since I'm sitting here ready to post it I can't remember it. Might you be able to use your awesome powers of ESP to pull this "lost question" from the depths of my psyche?

[Geoff]

Hey Geoff:

I came up with a great question to ask you in this thread earlier today, but now of course since I'm sitting here ready to post it I can't remember it. Might you be able to use your awesome powers of ESP to pull this "lost question" from the depths of my psyche?

I'm pretty sure the question was:

 

Geoff, if a building is built in the shape of an oblong, but the candidate for this month's election's name is Enid... what does being a purple painted people pusher have to do with the collateral movement of the Catholic Oysters?

 

Is this pretty much on target?

[Chris]

Geoff,

 

Before the invention of Toilet Paper did people wipe their ass with their hands?

 

 

Signed,

 

Cousin Wes

Hi Cousin Wes,

 

No, before toilet paper was invented, children were taught at an early age to extend their tongues for "the job". This is actually how lizards came into existence. Many think lizards preceded humans, but it was in fact the other way round, when lizards stemmed from these "Long-Tongue Kids". It wasn't all disgusting, though. Once the child was finished it's business with it's slithery tongue, the village jester would wipe his/her tongue with his hair, which he then washed at the local stream at sunset each day.

Hey Geoff,

Is this why it's called a "rim job"?

Signed,

Chris

[Geoff]

Geoff,

 

Before the invention of Toilet Paper did people wipe their ass with their hands?

 

 

Signed,

 

Cousin Wes

Hi Cousin Wes,

 

No, before toilet paper was invented, children were taught at an early age to extend their tongues for "the job". This is actually how lizards came into existence. Many think lizards preceded humans, but it was in fact the other way round, when lizards stemmed from these "Long-Tongue Kids". It wasn't all disgusting, though. Once the child was finished it's business with it's slithery tongue, the village jester would wipe his/her tongue with his hair, which he then washed at the local stream at sunset each day.

Hey Geoff,

Is this why it's called a "rim job"?

Signed,

Chris

Hi Chris,

 

Sadly not.

 

The term "rib job" comes from ancient times in Egypt. Rimkantathazan VII was ruling at the time when he demanded his servant, Hispotnecktemy create a circle in the sand, pour molten metal into it, put it in the club freezer in the local pyramid and bring it to him once complete. So Hispotnecktemy did as his master ordered, and brought this solid circle to his master the next day. Rimkantathazan VII said, 'Awesome dude' and demanded his servant stand 15 feet away from him. He then called his other servant, Unlukkifukker into the room and cut his head off with a hunting knife. He picked the head up, threw a dummy to his wife and then aimed at the metal circle Hispotnecktemy was holding up. He tossed it and the head flew through the air and landed with a squelching noise on the edge of the circle, where is then proceeded to roll around the entire inside of the circle. Hispotnecktemy cried out, "NO YOU DI'NT!" as this happened, which made him twitch a little, therefore causing the head to fall through the center of the circle. Everyone clapped and then Nowonimportant, who was Rimkantathazan VII's cousin yelled out, "Holy fucking shit, guys! Let's call that a rim job!"

 

And they did.

[aMetalhead1966]

Hey Geoff...Should I put my Velvet Revolver in her Satin Holster...I mean for safety's sake.

[Fat Freddy]

Geoff:

I have some more Australian questions if you don't mind...

 

Are all Australians born with an innate talent for crocodile wrestling, or does this ability solely belong to Steve Irwin?

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I taught Steve all he knows, but aside from the two of us and a couple of other guys I've taught... no, not everyone in Australia is a crocodile wrestler. I often eat the ones I wrestle raw... just to prove myself a man.

 

 

Hey Geoff:

Do you feel bad that we made fun of Steve Irwin in the previous exchange (even though it was before he died??) I sorta do.

[Geoff]

Geoff:

I have some more Australian questions if you don't mind...

 

Are all Australians born with an innate talent for crocodile wrestling, or does this ability solely belong to Steve Irwin?

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I taught Steve all he knows, but aside from the two of us and a couple of other guys I've taught... no, not everyone in Australia is a crocodile wrestler. I often eat the ones I wrestle raw... just to prove myself a man.

 

 

Hey Geoff:

Do you feel bad that we made fun of Steve Irwin in the previous exchange (even though it was before he died??) I sorta do.

It's okay, Keith. I don't think we were making fun of him. He was a good student of mine and I look back on those times now with an even stronger fondness. I think we were merely paying homage to his awesomeness. RIP, Steve.

 

Don't feel bad, sweet child.

 

Hey Geoff...Should I put my Velvet Revolver in her Satin Holster...I mean for safety's sake.

 

I keep my Velvet Revolver in a tissue box beneath the stairs, so the mice have an artefact... much like the Sydney Harbour Bridge... to gaze upon to get them through the long days. I guess that's all I could ask from you, mate, to think of the mice and maybe do something a little special for them too.

[Widda]

Geoff:

I have some more Australian questions if you don't mind...

 

Are all Australians born with an innate talent for crocodile wrestling, or does this ability solely belong to Steve Irwin?

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I taught Steve all he knows, but aside from the two of us and a couple of other guys I've taught... no, not everyone in Australia is a crocodile wrestler. I often eat the ones I wrestle raw... just to prove myself a man.

 

 

Hey Geoff:

Do you feel bad that we made fun of Steve Irwin in the previous exchange (even though it was before he died??) I sorta do.

It's okay, Keith. I don't think we were making fun of him. He was a good student of mine and I look back on those times now with an even stronger fondness. I think we were merely paying homage to his awesomeness. RIP, Steve.

 

Don't feel bad, sweet child.

 

Hey Geoff...Should I put my Velvet Revolver in her Satin Holster...I mean for safety's sake.

 

I keep my Velvet Revolver in a tissue box beneath the stairs, so the mice have an artefact... much like the Sydney Harbour Bridge... to gaze upon to get them through the long days. I guess that's all I could ask from you, mate, to think of the mice and maybe do something a little special for them too.

 

 

 

 

ONCE AGAIN, i have tried to start out the morning with a clean mind, and ONCE AGAIN, i come over here and the wheels fall the fuck off. Geoff, i must know...do you do this on purpose?

[Blue Charvel]

Geoff:

I have some more Australian questions if you don't mind...

 

Are all Australians born with an innate talent for crocodile wrestling, or does this ability solely belong to Steve Irwin?

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I taught Steve all he knows, but aside from the two of us and a couple of other guys I've taught... no, not everyone in Australia is a crocodile wrestler. I often eat the ones I wrestle raw... just to prove myself a man.

 

 

Hey Geoff:

Do you feel bad that we made fun of Steve Irwin in the previous exchange (even though it was before he died??) I sorta do.

It's okay, Keith. I don't think we were making fun of him. He was a good student of mine and I look back on those times now with an even stronger fondness. I think we were merely paying homage to his awesomeness. RIP, Steve.

 

Don't feel bad, sweet child.

 

Hey Geoff...Should I put my Velvet Revolver in her Satin Holster...I mean for safety's sake.

 

I keep my Velvet Revolver in a tissue box beneath the stairs, so the mice have an artefact... much like the Sydney Harbour Bridge... to gaze upon to get them through the long days. I guess that's all I could ask from you, mate, to think of the mice and maybe do something a little special for them too.

 

 

 

 

ONCE AGAIN, i have tried to start out the morning with a clean mind, and ONCE AGAIN, i come over here and the wheels fall the fuck off. Geoff, i must know...do you do this on purpose?

It's hardwired, he couldn't change it if he tried.

[Geoff]

Geoff:

I have some more Australian questions if you don't mind...

 

Are all Australians born with an innate talent for crocodile wrestling, or does this ability solely belong to Steve Irwin?

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I taught Steve all he knows, but aside from the two of us and a couple of other guys I've taught... no, not everyone in Australia is a crocodile wrestler. I often eat the ones I wrestle raw... just to prove myself a man.

 

 

Hey Geoff:

Do you feel bad that we made fun of Steve Irwin in the previous exchange (even though it was before he died??) I sorta do.

It's okay, Keith. I don't think we were making fun of him. He was a good student of mine and I look back on those times now with an even stronger fondness. I think we were merely paying homage to his awesomeness. RIP, Steve.

 

Don't feel bad, sweet child.

 

Hey Geoff...Should I put my Velvet Revolver in her Satin Holster...I mean for safety's sake.

 

I keep my Velvet Revolver in a tissue box beneath the stairs, so the mice have an artefact... much like the Sydney Harbour Bridge... to gaze upon to get them through the long days. I guess that's all I could ask from you, mate, to think of the mice and maybe do something a little special for them too.

 

 

 

 

ONCE AGAIN, i have tried to start out the morning with a clean mind, and ONCE AGAIN, i come over here and the wheels fall the fuck off. Geoff, i must know...do you do this on purpose?

It's hardwired, he couldn't change it if he tried.

Backed. My sexual allure also persists on making it impossible for people to keep a clean mind around me. Everytime someone sees me they want my body in their mouth. It's how I roll.

[Wotty]

Hey Geoff...Are you the same Geoff who loves "On The Rocks" so much ??

[aMetalhead1966]

Hey Geoff. Does the Toilet water spin counter clockwise where you live?

[TIM (2)]

Hey Geoff,

I've seen your amusing & informative posts on the new Cauterize album "Disguise". My question is, should I still purchase this album even though I thought "Paper Wings" was - & I quote - "mediocre run-of-the-mill modern rock, with a few half-decent songs but a piss-poor production"?

 

Or should I save my money for something else? Or should I "go f**k myself"?

[Geoff]

Hey Geoff,

I've seen your amusing & informative posts on the new Cauterize album "Disguise". My question is, should I still purchase this album even though I thought "Paper Wings" was - & I quote - "mediocre run-of-the-mill modern rock, with a few half-decent songs but a piss-poor production"?

 

Or should I save my money for something else? Or should I "go f**k myself"?

Honestly mate, if you didn't like 'Paper wings' you won't like this, simple as that. The production is better, but in full honestly I thought it was excellent on 'Paper Wings'. Murray Diagle assists alot here, but it's mostly produced by the band. It is a better production job... but I don't know mate. I thought 'Paper wings' was flawless so you're probably better not to take my word for it. The four new songs are f*cking brilliant though.

 

I'll put it this way, the production job on 'Disguises' is better than 'Paper Walls from Yellowcard. But I think both are great. Let me know what you decide. If you decide against buying the album we may need to arrange a fight.

 

Hey Geoff...Are you the same Geoff who loves "On The Rocks" so much ??

Yes, the album is excellent and an all-time fave of mine. So much passion and vigour displayed in the songs it's hurtful.

 

Hey Geoff. Does the Toilet water spin counter clockwise where you live?

Not sure, you'd have to ask someone else to look in my mouth when I gurgle it. Wait a minute... 'cause you're a buddy I'll do it in the mirror tonight and let you know.

[Blue Charvel]

Hey Geoff. Does the Toilet water spin counter clockwise where you live?

Not sure, you'd have to ask someone else to look in my mouth when I gurgle it. Wait a minute... 'cause you're a buddy I'll do it in the mirror tonight and let you know.

 

What about toilet paper, does that spin backwards too?

[heaven&hell]

Hey Geoff,

 

Is it more Gay to like Dawson's Creek, Poison, or Velvet Revolver?

[Geoff]

Hey Geoff. Does the Toilet water spin counter clockwise where you live?

Not sure, you'd have to ask someone else to look in my mouth when I gurgle it. Wait a minute... 'cause you're a buddy I'll do it in the mirror tonight and let you know.

 

What about toilet paper, does that spin backwards too?

Yes. My hand... uh, I mean our pallets of papyrus do spin backwards.

 

Hey Geoff,

 

Is it more Gay to like Dawson's Creek, Poison, or Velvet Revolver?

Liking Dawson's Creek is for proud, handsome homosexuals clininging onto thier youth.

 

Liking Poison is for proud homosexuals who can appreciate excellent music as well as excellence in homosexuality.

 

Liking Velvet Revolver is for closet homosexuals eager to hide behind substandard music, hoping it will take the focus away from their homosexuality.

[Blue Charvel]

Liking Velvet Revolver is for closet homosexuals eager to hide behind substandard music, hoping it will take the focus away from their homosexuality.

 

Is that why the Dopi the Twink likes it so much?

 

[heaven&hell]

Liking Velvet Revolver is for closet homosexuals eager to hide behind substandard music, hoping it will take the focus away from their homosexuality.

 

Is that why the Dopi the Twink likes it so much?

 

 

 

[aMetalhead1966]

Hey Geoff why have you not spoken words of wisdom to us since Sept 12th...

[Blue Charvel]

Dear Geoff,

 

I need to know. If I fart and it does not appear to smell, is that because the smell is in a different dimension, perhaps via a wormhole?

 

Love, Sweet Pickles

[Geoff]

Hey Geoff why have you not spoken words of wisdom to us since Sept 12th...

I've been busy in the studio, recording an album which could easily be called 'X's twin brother. This thing kicks ass man. You'll love it.

 

Dear Geoff,

 

I need to know. If I fart and it does not appear to smell, is that because the smell is in a different dimension, perhaps via a wormhole?

 

Love, Sweet Pickles

Good question, Sweet Pickles. If it does not smell, what is actually means is that you have suffered temporary failure of the polar flexus. The best thing to do is consult your physicist's physician.

 

At this same moment, however, in another dimension, your other self will have suffocated on his own fumes due to an internal explosion of his polar flexus. It will be too late for him to consult his physicist's physician.

[heaven&hell]

Hey Geoff,

 

Why won't it stop raining?

 

 

your cousin,

The real WES.

[Geoff]

Hey Geoff,

 

Why won't it stop raining?

 

your cousin,

The real WES.

Because Eric Brittingham has not given the order yet. Be patient, dear cousin. The sun will shine again and tan your delicate porcelain skin.