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Man Loses Penis to Raccoon Bite


Fat Freddy

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Another one from the 'Bizarre News Story' file... it begs the question, HOW DRUNK do you have to be to want to molest a raccoon?? :yikes:

 

Raccoon Fends off Pervert -- by Biting off Penis

 

Jan 28th 2009

By Tom Radler

The practical logistics of molesting a raccoon are completely lost on us. One drunk Russian man, however, gave it the old college try, and the result was exactly what you might imagine -- the raccoon bit off the man's penis.

 

Alexander Kirilov, 44, said he was out carousing with friends when he decided to try and get busy with the furry (but feisty) animal. "When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he said to Moscow surgeons, who are attempting to put his mangled member back together.

 

"He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off," explained friend. "That's gone forever so there isn't going to be much for them to work with."

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Wow. What do you say to that?

 

I've had some major dry spells in my life, but not once did I ever think to myself "Hmmm, that furry rodent over there looks like it needs some sweet sweet lovin'"

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Wow. What do you say to that?

 

I've had some major dry spells in my life, but not once did I ever think to myself "Hmmm, that furry rodent over there looks like it needs some sweet sweet lovin'"

Yeah, I mean I've had sex with an armadillo before... but a racoon? WTF?

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It's those piercing greenish/yellowish eyes that captivate you when your headlights flash upon them rumaging through garbage cans on long winding country roads. Canadian racoons are much tammer and please with ease, not like those fiesty Russian ones.

 

That Russian idiot had a little too much v(w)odka me thinks. :loser:

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Moscow surgeons, who are attempting to put his mangled member back together.

 

I bet these doctors were killing themselves trying not to crack up laughing while they worked on this guy. They'll be talking about him at parties for the rest of their lives!!

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Moscow surgeons, who are attempting to put his mangled member back together.

 

I bet these doctors were killing themselves trying not to crack up laughing while they worked on this guy. They'll be talking about him at parties for the rest of their lives!!

 

 

Like the firemen out looking for John Wayne Bobbit's dick in the ditches :tumbsup:

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Wow. What do you say to that?

 

I've had some major dry spells in my life, but not once did I ever think to myself "Hmmm, that furry rodent over there looks like it needs some sweet sweet lovin'"

 

The trick is to tape it's mouth shut and tie their feet up!!!

 

So I heard :whistle:

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It's those piercing greenish/yellowish eyes that captivate you when your headlights flash upon them rumaging through garbage cans on long winding country roads. Canadian racoons are much tammer and please with ease, not like those fiesty Russian ones.

 

That Russian idiot had a little too much v(w)odka me thinks. :loser:

 

 

Anyone know if they have the same type of raccoons in Russia that they do in The States. Another question... How the Hell did the guy catch a raccoon?

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Another one from the 'Bizarre News Story' file... it begs the question, HOW DRUNK do you have to be to want to molest a raccoon?? :yikes:

 

Raccoon Fends off Pervert -- by Biting off Penis

 

Jan 28th 2009

By Tom Radler

The practical logistics of molesting a raccoon are completely lost on us. One drunk Russian man, however, gave it the old college try, and the result was exactly what you might imagine -- the raccoon bit off the man's penis.

 

Alexander Kirilov, 44, said he was out carousing with friends when he decided to try and get busy with the furry (but feisty) animal. "When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he said to Moscow surgeons, who are attempting to put his mangled member back together.

 

"He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off," explained friend. "That's gone forever so there isn't going to be much for them to work with."

 

Dude, where the hell do you find this shit? :rofl2:

 

I've gone without sex for a good little clip before myself, and have even been slap drunk during some of them. But seriously....a raccoon? Dude, hire a hooker or something...

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I Swear I am NOT making this up!!

 

Ironic, the last time you used that sentence was in the title for that one topic that you started back in March last year about Richie Sambora....

 

is that just the sentence you use for drinking related news stories? :anon:

 

and yeah i know whats coming next...."it wasnt my fault the raccoon bit my dick off, i was drunk!"

 

beat ya'll to it ;)

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Dude, where the hell do you find this shit?

 

I work for a newspaper so all sorts of interesting stories find their way thru my office :rofl:

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How can you tell that the raccoon was not a college co-ed?

 

 

 

It swallowed. :whistle:

 

 

Wow. That was just wrong.

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