"Titanic 2"

[Fat Freddy]

Our friends at The Asylum (the famed Z-movie studio responsible for such schlock masterpieces as "Transmorphers," "AVH: Alien Vs. Hunter" and dozens more) have struck again... "Titanic 2" (yes, really!) will be hitting DVD soon....

 

Trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxEqaSGzpgc

 

Obviously this is not a true sequel to James Cameron's "Titanic" but they're definitely banking on people being dumb enough to rent it under the mistaken impression that it will be.

 

This flick tells the tale of a replica of the Titanic (dubbed "Titanic II," thus justifying the misleading title), following the original route of the doomed liner on its 100th anniversary. Disaster will predictably strike somewhere along the way.

 

Maybe instead of hitting an iceberg, this new "Titanic" will be attacked by a Mega Shark. This *is* an Asylum movie, after all

[cdjunky41]

Me in the theatre.......

[Fat Freddy]

Me in the theatre.......

 

No theatre for this epic, it's going straight to DVD just like all of the other Asylum "Mockbusters"...

 

One thing that "Titanic 2" has in its favor: one of its stars is Brooke Burns, last seen hosting the game show "Dog Eat Dog" on TV...

 

[Nick C]

I caught Transmorpher on the SciFi channel (or SyFy as they now call it) a few weeks back....classic

[JamesEagle]

Me in the theatre.......

 

No theatre for this epic, it's going straight to DVD just like all of the other Asylum "Mockbusters"...

 

One thing that "Titanic 2" has in its favor: one of its stars is Brooke Burns, last seen hosting the game show "Dog Eat Dog" on TV...

 

 

Sorry, this is just my opinion, but that isn't good at all. Eww.

[Fat Freddy]

Sorry, this is just my opinion, but that isn't good at all. Eww.

 

I will admit that she looked better as a blonde...

[JamesEagle]

Sorry, this is just my opinion, but that isn't good at all. Eww.

 

I will admit that she looked better as a blonde...

 

Agreed, for some reason her face looks quite butch in the first picture. Same problem as Angelina Jolie for me though - the mouth.

 

The idea of Titanic 2 is so ridiculous (and at the same time strangely intriguing) that it wouldn't matter who they put in it, I suspect it would have to be seen to be believed.

[Fat Freddy]

Same problem as Angelina Jolie for me though - the mouth.

 

Just put something in it. Problem solved.

[Geoff]

Same problem as Angelina Jolie for me though - the mouth.

 

Just put something in it. Problem solved.

Nice. Well played.

 

Blonde or brunette, she could sharpen my pencil anytime.

[cdjunky41]

I gotta agree with Geoff..

 

She can swallow my future children anytime she wants..

[Jacob M.]

I watched the first half of Transmorphers a few nights ago. It was so bad I couldn't even finish watching it. If their other movies are anything like that one they are a complete waste of time.

[Fat Freddy]

I watched the first half of Transmorphers a few nights ago. It was so bad I couldn't even finish watching it. If their other movies are anything like that one they are a complete waste of time.

 

I still have yet to see either of the "Transmorphers" movies but I know that due to my sick, weird, obsessive compulsive bad movie habit, I will get to 'em both eventually. Wikipedia quotes a hilarious review of that movie from the New York Times:

 

Rolf Potts of The New York Times described Transmorphers as having "no recognizable actors, no merchandising tie-ins and a garbled sound mix. Also unlike Transformers, it has cheap special effects and a subplot involving lesbians."

 

How could I not want to see it after a recommendation like that?

 

But seriously, I've seen about a half dozen of the Asylum's films now (mostly via SyFy Channel) and tho a couple of 'em have been outright suck (i.e. "AVH: Alien Vs. Hunter"), a couple have actually approached something resembling filmmaking competence (i.e. "Mega Piranha"). They're the kind of bad-on-purpose "B" movies you watch on TV at 1 in the morning, when your expectations are naturally lowered.

[Fat Freddy]

Same problem as Angelina Jolie for me though - the mouth.

 

Just put something in it. Problem solved.

Nice. Well played.

 

 

Thanx! Coming from The Master that means a lot

[JamesEagle]

I gotta agree with Geoff..

 

She can swallow my future children anytime she wants..

 

Really? Next you'll be talking about gettin' nasty with Sarah Jessica Parker.

[Fat Freddy]

Really? Next you'll be talking about gettin' nasty with Sarah Jessica Parker.

 

She looks like a horse! Or a foot!

[All Nights Reserved]

Really? Next you'll be talking about gettin' nasty with Sarah Jessica Parker.

 

She looks like a horse! Or a foot!

 

[Jez]

Sorry, this is just my opinion, but that isn't good at all. Eww.

 

I will admit that she looked better as a blonde...

 

Agreed, for some reason her face looks quite butch in the first picture. Same problem as Angelina Jolie for me though - the mouth.

 

 

Are you a Homosexual, or a nut job

[JamesEagle]

Sorry, this is just my opinion, but that isn't good at all. Eww.

 

I will admit that she looked better as a blonde...

 

Agreed, for some reason her face looks quite butch in the first picture. Same problem as Angelina Jolie for me though - the mouth.

 

 

Are you a Homosexual, or a nut job

 

 

Nah, I'm a complete lech ... just a really picky one!

 

The first (brunette) pic of this girl is really unattractive imo.

[Fat Freddy]

This masterwork is making its SyFy Channel premiere tonight at 9. I guess this is their idea of counter-programming against the Super Bowl.

[Fat Freddy]

I watched... and it was awesomely bad.

 

The Asylum's films are notorious for their cheap CGI effects, which actually kinda work when they're in a campy-on-purpose film like "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid," but when they're used in a supposedly 'straight' action/disaster film, it only heightens the hilarity.

 

All of the scenes that were supposedly inside the "ship" were obviously filmed in a fancy hotel. I know I saw buildings in the distance out the windows during several scenes where the ship was supposed to be out at sea. At one point the characters trying to escape were running through access tunnels with concrete walls, stairs and floors. On a ship? No wonder it sank.

 

Oh, and for a ship that was supposedly sinking rapidly, you saw very little water coming in aside from a few sprinkles dripping from the ceiling. I guess the Asylum couldn't afford to really flood the place cuz then they'd have to pay for the clean-up.

 

On the other hand, "Titanic II" was shorter than Cameron's film, and there was no annoying love ballad sung by Celine Dion. Thank God.

 

I was somewhat disappointed that the Titanic II wasn't attacked by a Mega Shark or a Gatoroid, which would've made sense since this was an Asylum film. Maybe they're saving that for a sequel ("Titanic III: The Next Generation?")

[SamboraRocks86]

All of the scenes that were supposedly inside the "ship" were obviously filmed in a fancy hotel. I know I saw buildings in the distance out the windows during several scenes where the ship was supposed to be out at sea. At one point the characters trying to escape were running through access tunnels with concrete walls, stairs and floors. On a ship? No wonder it sank.

 

Thats cause it was filmed in a fancy hotel...AND a ship! They used the Queen Mary in Long Island, CA...saw this a few months ago and it's just dire, I tried to get through the whole thing but I just couldn't x

[Fat Freddy]

Thats cause it was filmed in a fancy hotel...AND a ship! They used the Queen Mary in Long Island, CA...saw this a few months ago and it's just dire, I tried to get through the whole thing but I just couldn't x

 

Yeah, the Queen Mary was used for the "long shots" of the ship @ the dock. Then when it left port and headed out to sea, they used a CGI creation that didn't even look the same as the Queen Mary

 

Useless information: the film was written by, directed by, and stars Shane Van Dyke (he plays the rich-ass dude whose company owns the Titanic II)... who happens to be the grandson of showbiz legend Dick Van Dyke. Obviously Grampa's talent didn't trickle down to this guy.

[cdjunky41]

I gotta agree with Geoff..

 

She can swallow my future children anytime she wants..

 

Really? Next you'll be talking about gettin' nasty with Sarah Jessica Parker.

 

The only thing attractive about Sarah Jessica Parker, is her bank account..

[cdjunky41]

Thats cause it was filmed in a fancy hotel...AND a ship! They used the Queen Mary in Long Island, CA...saw this a few months ago and it's just dire, I tried to get through the whole thing but I just couldn't x

 

Yeah, the Queen Mary was used for the "long shots" of the ship @ the dock. Then when it left port and headed out to sea, they used a CGI creation that didn't even look the same as the Queen Mary

 

Useless information: the film was written by, directed by, and stars Shane Van Dyke (he plays the rich-ass dude whose company owns the Titanic II)... who happens to be the grandson of showbiz legend Dick Van Dyke. Obviously Grampa's talent didn't trickle down to this guy.

 

Dick Van Dyke had talent?

Since when?

[Fat Freddy]

The only thing attractive about Sarah Jessica Parker, is her bank account..

 

Bend her over doggy style so you can't see her face, tape a copy of her bank balance to her back, and you'd be able to finish the job, right?

 

Dick Van Dyke had talent?

Since when?

 

Back in the day before either you or I were alive....