Pointless Nonsense

[Geoff]

Nick C is my hero and I'm not joking.

 

The laughter filled the atmosphere surrounding the bar on the barmy winter's evening. "Colin, buy me a beer you ol' poofter!" yelled Colin.

 

"Uh, Colin, you big poofter," said Winthrup, the maid's butler, "You just called yourself a poofter and asked yourself to buy yourself a beer."

 

"I know that," said Colin. "I don't need a running commentary on how homosexual I am!"

[Nick C]

Barney slowly eased the gun from his jacket and turned around to face Greg and pointed it directly at his head. A grim smile betrayed the satisfaction of finally having Greg in his sights!

 

"oooooooh nice gun.....can I have a go? Pleasepleasepleaseplease.....puhhhleeeezzzeeeeeee...I'll be your friend!" cried Greg.

 

"No s'mine...no bagsies either!!!" Barney sure walked it like he talked it.

[aMetalhead1966]

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition....Welcome to the HH Zone..

[Geoff]

Barney slowly eased the gun from his jacket and turned around to face Greg and pointed it directly at his head. A grim smile betrayed the satisfaction of finally having Greg in his sights!

 

"oooooooh nice gun.....can I have a go? Pleasepleasepleaseplease.....puhhhleeeezzzeeeeeee...I'll be your friend!" cried Greg.

 

"No s'mine...no bagsies either!!!" Barney sure walked it like he talked it.

HA!!!

 

HAHA!!!

 

Bekham was afraid that one day his tusks would hinder his progress in life. Up until now, living on a hill in upper North Mongolia, he had yet to deal with the atrocities of suburban life. On Tuesday, he wandered into a book store, looking for a copy of 'Asses... and How They Look'.

 

"OH MY GODDAMN GOD!!!" yelled Beatrice, the pretty young lady behind the counter at the book store. "You have tusks on your face!"

 

Bekham's face and tusks turned a deep shade of crimson. He now knew that he could never interact in the world at the foot of the hill. He wept, and as the tear rolled down his face onto the tip of one of his tusks, Beatrice caught it with her tongue. "I love you, Tuskman." She went to embrace him, but accidentally impaled herself on his other tusk. She died in his arms and the tears fell like rain from the tip of his tusks.

 

He now knew that he could never interact in the world at the foot of the hill.

[heaven&hell]

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition....Welcome to the HH Zone..

 

Is there any good porn in the fifth dimension? If so where can I sign up to join the HH Zone?

[Nick C]

He opened the door to the old house and it gave out a creak like the screech of a startled cat. The dank air assaulted his nostrils and he winced as his lungs drew it in.....decay, the smell of wet leaves and damp musty plaster permeated the air.

He sprayed the air freshner around...."I'll give it five minutes" he thought "and then start vacuuming the carpet"

[KarpetRydOFunk]

I'm so lost. What's going on in here? I wondered as I began reading the senseless amounts of copious previous posts. Immediately unwanted images of Barney preparing supper under a blazing sun in Oz while Paul and Gregory confirm their identities on a fifth dimensional pornographic film, penetrated and dominated my brain. I stood there and watched my brain become bombarded with visions of obscene acts performed before Barney of Oz, and there was nothing I could do to refrain it from continuing. I reached out to get a solid grip on my brain - in order to rattle the images off it, but I only succeeded in entrapping my hands within it...

[Nick C]

Slowly, by the hand Rachel lead Horace into the half light of the bedroom, her scent was driving him wild with desire. She let go of his hand and took a few steps away from him and he drank her in with his eyes. Smiling over her shoulder at him she let the flimsy material of her dress fall to the floor revealing her intricate back tattoo of Popeye eating a pizza.

[heaven&hell]

Slowly, by the hand Rachel lead Horace into the half light of the bedroom, her scent was driving him wild with desire. She let go of his hand and took a few steps away from him and he drank her in with his eyes. Smiling over her shoulder at him she let the flimsy material of her dress fall to the floor revealing her intricate back tattoo of Popeye eating a pizza.

[Nick C]

I might change my name to Denton

 

or Hob

 

Cooker Hob even

[Geoff]

Nick's last two entries in this thread are my two favourite posts of the year. Hands down.

 

Slithering across the floor, Shane felt the carpet on his belly. It felt good, like the chance of rabies being abolished at the mercy of a doctor and his penis, and his needle. He wiggled his tongue free from moistened lips. "Hissssss," he said. "I'm a snake." He turned the corner from the rumpus room, leading into the kitchen. He never saw the length of the Boa Constrictor that met him with fangs in his eyeballs. Within three minutes Shane had been swallowed in his entirety and he now rested in the stomach of a Boa Constrictor. Before being stabbed in the face with the Boa Constrictor's fangs and swallowed whole, Shane had been an odd guy.

[KarpetRydOFunk]

It's three 'o clock Wednesday morning. In three hours something's going to happen. Something terrible. Something that will change the world, as we know it. Something that will change the world forever. Two hours and twenty three minutes. Yes, I type slow.

[Geoff]

"My life," he declared, "has been nothing an emotional roller coaster!"

[heaven&hell]

I change by staying the same.

[Geoff]

The wilderness looked wild and unkept. Craig stood on it's border and scratched his forehead. When he removed his finger from his forehead he noticed some dry skin under his fingernail, and it was then he realised he got slightly sunburnt at the races the other day. His skin was now peeling. Looking at the wild unkept wilderness, he wondered if the fleas and ticks in his hair felt the same as he did.

[heaven&hell]

I'm mean and I'm dirty like Nuttin' you've ever seen.

[Stefan]

I'm mean and I'm dirty like Nuttin' you've ever seen.

NUTS you are...

[heaven&hell]

I'm mean and I'm dirty like Nuttin' you've ever seen.

NUTS you are...

 

Uh yes I am.

 

Seriously I was listening to Kiss' "Not for the Innocent" when I posted that and that's the opening lyric in that song.

[Geoff]

The face was a sight for sore eyes, until the eyes were too sore to visualize anthing anymore and the person went blind. Then the face was just a sight.

[Nick C]

Finally the fish were cooked, he put them back in the tank but they didn't seem as playful as they once were. Same went for the roasted dog who just wouldn't play fetch. He could feel loneliness crowding in on him as he basted the parrot.

[KarpetRydOFunk]

Hey!

 

You're very good at games, aren't you? Do you ever cut the legs off adventurers and see how long it takes them to crawl to what they think is safety but is actually a swamp filled with flesh-eating insects? That's one of my favourites. Maybe we can play it later.

 

Chesty

[Geoff]

The teeth didn't taste as good as he anticipated.

[Nick C]

I could bend a 500ft construction crane with my bare hands if I wanted to!

[Geoff]

I could bend a 500ft construction crane with my bare hands if I wanted to!

You mean like this - *bends 500ft construction crane with bare hands*

[Nick C]

I could bend a 500ft construction crane with my bare hands if I wanted to!

You mean like this - *bends 500ft construction crane with bare hands*

 

Good grief no...noooo...that's not the way to do it Do it like this...watch and learn.....

 

*bends 500ft construction crane with bare hands*