"Stupid Comics"

[Fat Freddy]

Ladies and Gentlemen, Geeks of all ages... I give you the wondrous "STUPID COMICS" web page!

 

http://misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/index.html

 

I don't know how many other comic book aficionados are around here but even if you were never a comic book geek like me, you might still get a laugh or two from this site. These guys have compiled a massive selection of some of the absolute WORST comic books ever to pollute the newsstand, with tons of entries in categories such as "I Love the '80s" (bad self published black & white comics), "Lois Lane Has Too Much Time on Her Hands" (self explanatory), "I Can't Believe it's Not Archie" (bad vintage "teenager" comics that tried to jump on the Archie bandwagon), "Star Drek" (bad science fiction comics), and many others. The page and panel scans, plus the absolutely brutal commentaries that accompany each example, had me practically spitting my drink all over my monitor numerous times. Stuff like this makes me wish I hadn't sold off most of my comic collection because I had some absolute beauts that would've fit right onto this site.

 

I am thankful for this site because now such under-appreciated pulp paper abominations as these can be preserved for everyone to enjoy:

 

 

Now here's a partnership that rivaled Batman and Robin huh? Sadly, I think Quik Bunny was killed off during the first "Crisis on Infinite Earths" mini-series because he no longer fit into Earth-One Superman's continuity. (That's a Geek joke, folks. If you understand what I'm talking about, then you're obviously a geek like me.)

 

 

Does it scare you as much as it does me to think they actually wasted trees to make TWO issues of a Kool-Aid Man comic book? Although shamefully enough, I must admit that I actually owned Kool Aid Man issue #1. I think you got it for free in the mail if you sent in three Kool-Aid labels or some damn thing.

 

 

This series was based on a toy motorcycle stunt set, if memory serves. Gotta love those pre-P.C. angry Japanese (who look more Latino than Japanese; or is it just me?) waving "YANKEE GO HOME" signs...

 

Yes, that's comedian Don Rickles appearing in a Superman comic. God help me, I think I actually owned this one.

 

I KNOW I owned this one. Good Lord. Obviously I bought anything that said "first issue" on the cover back in those days.

 

Didn't own this one... but it looks like the kinda crap I would've thrown money at...

 

Are the "Hard Rockin' Rabbits" in the Heavy Harmonies database? If not, they should be.

 

Check out their gallery for even MORE fun stuff!!

[whiplash1972]

 

Now here's a partnership that rivaled Batman and Robin huh? Sadly, I think Quik Bunny was killed off during the first "Crisis on Infinite Earths" mini-series because he no longer fit into Earth-One Superman's continuity. (That's a Geek joke, folks. If you understand what I'm talking about, then you're obviously a geek like me.)

 

The Quik Bunny's death was the entire reason all the parallel Earths merged into one. When he ceased to exist...things went to hell in a handbasket!

[Fat Freddy]

The Quik Bunny's death was the entire reason all the parallel Earths merged into one. When he ceased to exist...things went to hell in a handbasket!

 

Now THERE is a man who understands a good Geek joke!

[Dark Star]

Awesome site Man!!!

 

Saw this on Facebook too... Definitely worth a look or two or three or.....

 

LOVED Crack Busters!!!

[Fat Freddy]

Awesome site Man!!!

 

Saw this on Facebook too... Definitely worth a look or two or three or.....

 

LOVED Crack Busters!!!

 

 

If you thought "Crack Busters" was bad, check out "Zwanna, Son of Zulu" -- it's like a superhero version of "A Different World"

 

http://misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers...dcomics115.html

 

Zwanna's enemies are racist Skinheads who hide under bleachers looking for Black people to "persecute"...

 

and...um... some old transvestite guys who look like they escaped from "Rocky Horror" night at the Old Age Home. Jeez, someone actually wrote this crap?? And actually expected people to BUY it? I can find no record of there ever being a second issue of "Zwanna," which judging by the examples shown here from Issue #1, is not exactly a shocker. Haha! Kool-Aid Man had more issues than this guy!! Kool-Aid Man > Zwanna, Son of Zulu.

 

[SamboraRocks86]

ah man, its so bad that i understood the crisis.. joke

 

ill have to check this out, reminds me of that "Superman is a dick" website

[Fat Freddy]

ah man, its so bad that i understood the crisis.. joke

 

Actually, I'm rather impressed by that, since the original "Crisis" series came out before you were born.

 

 

ill have to check this out, reminds me of that "Superman is a dick" website

 

Ahhh yes, "Superdickery" -- that's a great one too!

 

http://www.superdickery.com

 

Home to dozens of classic comic book covers like this one:

 

 

Wow... he really IS a dick isn't he??

[Fat Freddy]

How'bout this one... with two misspelled words right in the title!! (Actually, is "rebelers" even a real word?)

 

 

A sample from the inside of the book:

 

 

Wow... what masterfully written dialogue.

 

But hey, this is another issue #2... which puts the Cosmic Steller Rebelers one issue up on Zwanna, Son of Zulu at least. In yo' face AGAIN, Zwanna!!

[aMetalhead1966]

hahaha..those are pretty bad..

[phaffas]

loving this! funny stuff.

 

i cant believe Cyborg Gerbils didnt catch on.

[Widda]

Damn cool!

[Fat Freddy]

What kills me is that all through junior high school and into college, I was constantly making up tons and tons of my own goofy comic book characters, and drew tons and tons of weird cartoon adventures with them all, of course I dreams of starting my own comic book company starring my huge stable of heroes and villains but I was too lazy and/or stupid to figure out how to get started... then I look at some of the dreck on this site and DAMN, my silly teenage stuff was MILES ahead of this crap that actually GOT published!!!

[Chris]

What kills me is that all through junior high school and into college, I was constantly making up tons and tons of my own goofy comic book characters, and drew tons and tons of weird cartoon adventures with them all, of course I dreams of starting my own comic book company starring my huge stable of heroes and villains but I was too lazy and/or stupid to figure out how to get started... then I look at some of the dreck on this site and DAMN, my silly teenage stuff was MILES ahead of this crap that actually GOT published!!!

Hell, why don't you combine some of those goofy characters and come up with one kick-ass goofy superhero? Might be worth a go to some publisher who just drank his own bathwater and published some of this silly shit here.

[Evil Rick]

How to waste a day away...and then some!

 

Thanks for the link, I'm hooked!

[Fat Freddy]

What kills me is that all through junior high school and into college, I was constantly making up tons and tons of my own goofy comic book characters, and drew tons and tons of weird cartoon adventures with them all, of course I dreams of starting my own comic book company starring my huge stable of heroes and villains but I was too lazy and/or stupid to figure out how to get started... then I look at some of the dreck on this site and DAMN, my silly teenage stuff was MILES ahead of this crap that actually GOT published!!!

Hell, why don't you combine some of those goofy characters and come up with one kick-ass goofy superhero? Might be worth a go to some publisher who just drank his own bathwater and published some of this silly shit here.

 

Hahaha, it's been years since I've drawn much of anything... I am soooo out of practice that it's not even funny. Even if I was in practice, I simply don't have the time for it anymore. I do have a ton of those old sketches & things stashed away in a box in my attic though. Who knows, maybe someday the world will finally get to meet "Major Mercury" (my superhero character)....

[Chris]

What kills me is that all through junior high school and into college, I was constantly making up tons and tons of my own goofy comic book characters, and drew tons and tons of weird cartoon adventures with them all, of course I dreams of starting my own comic book company starring my huge stable of heroes and villains but I was too lazy and/or stupid to figure out how to get started... then I look at some of the dreck on this site and DAMN, my silly teenage stuff was MILES ahead of this crap that actually GOT published!!!

Hell, why don't you combine some of those goofy characters and come up with one kick-ass goofy superhero? Might be worth a go to some publisher who just drank his own bathwater and published some of this silly shit here.

 

Hahaha, it's been years since I've drawn much of anything... I am soooo out of practice that it's not even funny. Even if I was in practice, I simply don't have the time for it anymore. I do have a ton of those old sketches & things stashed away in a box in my attic though. Who knows, maybe someday the world will finally get to meet "Major Mercury" (my superhero character)....

Now we're talking...

[SamboraRocks86]

Actually, I'm rather impressed by that, since the original "Crisis" series came out before you were born.

 

when you read reprints of old DC comics you pretty much have to be in the know with Crisis....

 

i still think it was a cheap idea tho, and it only serves to confuse the uninitiated

[Fat Freddy]

i still think it was a cheap idea tho, and it only serves to confuse the uninitiated

 

If you thought "Crisis" was bad, you should try and find Marvel's variation on the same idea, "Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars," which came out around the same time as "Crisis" -- terrible, just terrible.

 

The idea behind "Crisis" was sound, I guess, (i.e. trying to clear up the incredibly confused continuity in the DC Universe, which had become absolutely ridiculous over the course of 40-something years) but it was simply too huge of an undertaking.

[Dark Star]

Hey Keith?? you DO still have that comic You drew for that class in College?? based on Savatage "Hall of the Mountain King"?? That was really cool!!!! MUCH better than some of the stuff on that site.....

[Fat Freddy]

Hey Keith?? you DO still have that comic You drew for that class in College?? based on Savatage "Hall of the Mountain King"?? That was really cool!!!! MUCH better than some of the stuff on that site.....

 

Oh yea, I still have that story stashed away somewhere... I looked thru it not that long ago, actually, I came across it while I was diggin' in the closet for something else. It came out pretty nice (I got a decent grade on it if memory serves) but it would've turned out a lot better if I'd had more time to work on it... the last half dozen or so pages were hacked out in the space of one or two all nighters so I could get the damn thing turned in on time, they look like sh*t... you can tell that when I started I was spending lots of time making sure that the artwork/shading/lettering/etc. was just right, but at about the halfway point I started cutting corners cuz I was rushing to get it done... hahaha!

 

BTW the only thing inspired by Savatage was the title of the story (Mine was "Fall of the Mountain King")... the actual story was a comedic adventure thing, kinda like "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" meets "Conan" I remember having a lot of fun coming up with some of the bug-eyed, pig nosed creatures that populated the King's castle.

[Fat Freddy]

Some priceless images from the infamous "Spire Christian Comics" series of the 1970s, many of which starred Archie and the gang... man, if you thought that Riverdale crew was goody goody in their regular books, wait'll you get a load of the Spire Christian version!!

 

 

Here, Betty Cooper is "outed" as a Creationist. Who'da thunk? Oh, Betty. We thought we knew ye.

 

 

Did all Old West towns have "Filthy Books" stores?

Oh, and I love that book title - "Evolution is for the Birds and You." Spire Comics were about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the forehead.

 

 

Sure they did, kids. Suuuuuure they did. You're obviously not looking hard enough!!

 

 

"You can TELL they're not Christians!" Yea, because they...um... they smoke? And play cards? In BROAD DAYLIGHT? Shame on them!! HEATHENS!!!

(The above panel is from a comic called "Gospel Blimp," by the way, which I received as a giveaway at Sunday school when I was a kid. Even at seven years old, I knew from the get-go that this was gonna be a crappy comic. Nowadays I look back at it fondly as a classic slice of 1970s Jesus-lovin' cheez. I bet the members of Stryper own about a thousand copies of this one.)

 

 

I have no idea what Spire Comic this image came from, but I gotta say, if you took the word balloons out of it, it would make a bad-ass cover for a Thrash Metal album.

 

 

Spire Comics office secretary: "Sir, the Coca-Cola company is on line two...something about a copyright infringement lawsuit..."

[Fat Freddy]

 

Trust us, Sabrina... you don't want to know.

 

 

That's why you're supposed to keep the lights on during the orgy.

 

 

Soooo.... if you "beat off" three other guys and still get the girl, it means you're not gay, right?

[Fat Freddy]

 

Ohhh, that Archie is a smooooooth operator.

[Fat Freddy]

Meanwhile, over in the superhero comic rack:

 

 

I always knew that Lois Lane was a freak.

 

 

Robin: Boy Wonder or teenage pervert? You make the call.

 

 

Sometimes the jokes just write themselves...

 

 

Someone oughta tell the Joker that they have little blue pills for that problem now.No one will ever "chortle at his boner" again.

[Dark Star]

Oh....

 

My....

 

 

 

 

GOD!!!!!

 

 

 

I am DYIN here!!!!!