Some Old-as-Hell album reviews

[heaven&hell]

Okay I just heard this for the first time and this has to be one of the worst if not the worst cd I have ever heard. The singer or talker or whatever you would call him is plain horrilbe. How did this band put out a record? Surely it was recorded on an old tape machine with a small microphone in the floor of the garage. At least that's what it sounds like. AVOID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

...and the rave reviews continue for Killen....

 

Have you heard it? For your ears sake I sure hope not.

[spectrefate]

Oh yes, I have heard the atrocity that is Killen. It was Killen my ears. It has to be the worst thing I have heard. Ever.

[Fat Freddy]

you guys are Killen me!!

[RichieZ]

Nice reviews, post some more

[Dark Star]

Excellent reviews!! I remember reading these in College and I STILL get as kick out of em!! Keep em coming!! Oh and PLEASE post the review of the Extreme concert?? Please?????? That is just an absolute CLASSIC!!!!! :bowdown:

[Fat Freddy]

Excellent reviews!! I remember reading these in College and I STILL get as kick out of em!! Keep em coming!! Oh and PLEASE post the review of the Extreme concert?? Please?????? That is just an absolute CLASSIC!!!!! :bowdown:

 

I'll get to the Extreme gig article eventually... you gotta remember, that was a FULL PAGE for cryin' out loud...it'll take me for-f**kin'-ever to type that one up!!

[aMetalhead1966]

Okay I just heard this for the first time and this has to be one of the worst if not the worst cd I have ever heard. The singer or talker or whatever you would call him is plain horrilbe. How did this band put out a record? Surely it was recorded on an old tape machine with a small microphone in the floor of the garage. At least that's what it sounds like. AVOID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

...and the rave reviews continue for Killen....

 

Have you heard it? For your ears sake I sure hope not.

Yes I have and that is precious time I'll never get back..

Not to mention the fact that is causes extreme nausea and violent vomiting

of the most horrific Kind...it's really THAT Bad..

[Fat Freddy]

March 1, 1991...

This one makes me cringe A LOT when I read it back now (especially the last sentence, hahaha)... HEARTBREAK STATION is a decent enough album but nowhere near the classic that I make it out to be here... nowadays I see it as the weakest album in their catalog... but I guess I must've REALLY liked it when I wrote this...

 

Cinderella, "Heartbreak Station" (Mercury/PolyGram Records)

Rating on a 1-to-10 scale: 8.5

 

Cinderella's 1986 debut, "Night Songs," was a listenable, although unspectacular album in which the Philadelphia glam foursome belted out AC-DC style teenybopper rock that was obviously aimed at the Bon Jovi market. Non-offensive, but nothing to make one predict any sort of future for the band beyond their next hit single. The band then shocked a lot of listeners with 1988's follow up, "Long Cold Winter," where they displayed a musical maturity not heard on "Night Songs." While still retaining their hard rock edge, the Cinders tossed heaps of bluesy harmonica and slide guitar riffs into the songs, giving them a more "rootsy" sound that separated them from the pack of sound-alike pop/rock bands.

Two years and five million in album sales later, Cinderella's back with their third long player, "Heartbreak Station," and what a tasty platter it is, too! On this one it seems that the boys have been listening to even more Southern rock and blues, because "Heartbreak Station" is a far mellower, more groove-oriented album than "Long Cold Winter" and is a complete 180 degree turn from "Night Songs." This album simply oozes with that Southern boogie, "One foot in the swamp" influence, probably due to its being recorded in Louisiana. Throughout many of the tracks, one gets the feeling of being in a smoky bar somewhere in the backwoods, watching the band on stage. Opening with the hard rocker "The More Things Change," a rockabilly number filled with brass, and moving to the first single "Shelter Me" (complete with a full horn section, piano, and female backup singers adding to the "bar band" feel) it's tough to find any resemblance to the band that recorded "Night Songs" here. There's very little, if any, heavy metal influence on this record. The title track, one of the album's best, is a heartfelt ballad loaded with acoustic guitar and strings (arranged by John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin, incidentally) and is probably the most mature song Cinderella has ever written. This is the kind of song "Don't Know What You've Got (Till It's Gone)" from the last album wanted to be, but didn't quite make it.

Vocalist Tom Keifer's performance is light years ahead of any of his previous work as well, he's finally dropped the "AC/DC" clone sound of the old records and proves he does actually have a soulful voice under that growl. For proof, check out "One For Rock N Roll," a country-western flavored number that begs to be played in the car on a long drive through the mountains.

Other highlights on this album include the keyboard work by Uriah Heep's Ken Hensley on "Make Your Own Way" and "Winds of Change," which brings the album to a mellow close. There are no clinkers on this tape!

Overall, "Heartbreak Station" represents another quantum leap forward for Cinderella, building on the foundation that "Long Cold Winter" started. Forget the "glam rock" or "pop metal" tags that have been affixed to the band in the past because they no longer apply. While so many bands are trying to sound LIKE the blues, Cinderella are one of the few who sound OF the blues. Together with the Black Crowes, Cinderella are going to spearhead a whole new decade of blues-based rock supremacy. Get in on the ground floor now!

 

...Yeesh, it hurt just to type all that blather up. I was really talkin' out my ass when I wrote this one... tryin' to sound like some kind of expert on blues and "rootsy" rock when I knew NOTHIN' about either one... I wish I could reach back in time, slap my 20 year old self and say "Quit sounding like such a f**kin know-it-all, you a**hole... who do you think you're writing for, f**kin' SPIN?"

[Fat Freddy]

May 9, 1991... didn't care for this one much at all eh? I love the part where I say "I'm too old for these cliches" cuz I was only 20 when I wrote this one...EPIC FAIL!!!

 

Bang Gang, "Love Sells" (Sinclair Records)

Rating on a 1-to-10 Scale: 4

 

I try not to develop an opinion of a band based solely on their looks, but I had a feeling I was gonna hate this one before I'd even finished unwrapping the CD box... silly band name, sleazy glam "dressed in a Hollywood gutter" look, song titles like "Be My Girl," "Thrill After Thrill," and "Pedal to the Metal," and a lead singer who calls himself "Jet Silver" and sports a blonde dreadlocks hairdo... oh pleeeeeze, spare me. Surprise, though, "Love Sells" wasn't quite the hellish listening experience that I'd feared at first glance, but neither is it anything earth-shattering or revolutionary. The Hollywood (by way of Seattle) fivesome are competent musicians who've recorded a competent album, they're just in dire need of a swift dose of originality.

The Bang Gangers have definitely covered all the bases here, though... we've got everything from pop metal ("Pedal to the Metal"), to arena style anthems ("Young and the Restless"), a cover version to show their roots (T-Rex's "20th Century Boy") and two acoustic ballads ("Neon Fairytale" and "B.M.G. (Be My Girl)"). The sound is rooted firmly in the traditional Hollywood hard rock sound, somewhere between L.A. Guns and Faster Pussycat... lots of upfront guitars, pounding bass and drums, with choruses that are easy to sing along to. Fun, but nothing to overtax one's cerebellum, either. The lyrics, for the most part, revolve around tired "bad girls partying all night" themes and occasionally go over the top into the totally ridiculous ("She looked like a cross between Motley Crue and a Marc Bolan nightmare"... say what?) This sort of thing may have been fine during the 80s but come on guys, I'm getting too old for these sort of cliches'.

There is the occasional flash of brilliance, as on "Neon Fairytale" (nice female backing vocals here) or "Be A Model (Or Just Look Like One)" which is light hearted, somewhat mean-spirited, and has some cool saxophone thrown over the top for good measure. It's the highlight of the album and gives me some hope for this band's future. Overall though, "Love Sells" is a masterpiece of style over substance... lots of icing, but no cake, if you catch my drift. The album sounds great while it's playing but five minutes after it was over I couldn't remember a damn thing of what I'd just heard. It left almost no impression on me whatsoever. Not a good sign! In the final analysis, "Love Sells' is the kind of album that's great listening at a party or a trip to the beach but is nothing to change the face of rock and roll as we know it. I'm really on the fence with this one. What do you do with an album that's catchy and listenable, but is totally devoid of any original thought? You give it a "4," that's what. Nuff said.

[KarpetRydOFunk]

These make for a good read. If it's true you do have an Extreme concert review, then post that shit. Right half today, and finish it tomorrow.

[sharatan]

Okay I just heard this for the first time and this has to be one of the worst if not the worst cd I have ever heard. The singer or talker or whatever you would call him is plain horrilbe. How did this band put out a record? Surely it was recorded on an old tape machine with a small microphone in the floor of the garage. At least that's what it sounds like. AVOID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

...and the rave reviews continue for Killen....

 

Have you heard it? For your ears sake I sure hope not.

Yes I have and that is precious time I'll never get back..

Not to mention the fact that is causes extreme nausea and violent vomiting

of the most horrific Kind...it's really THAT Bad..

 

 

was it on 128k or 192k ouch......

[aMetalhead1966]

Great Reading Brutha Keef ...Keep posting them...For a 20 year old you had/have a great writing style..

[Fat Freddy]

For a 20 year old you had/have a great writing style..

 

Thanks... though obviously I had a lil' problem with pretentiousness back then... must've been reading too much Rolling Stone at the time

 

If it's true you do have an Extreme concert review, then post that shit. Right half today, and finish it tomorrow.

 

I'll get to it... though to be honest the best part about that article is not the concert review itself, but the back story surrounding it... put it to you this way, the title of the article was "An Extreme-ly Rough Night in Brooklyn"

 

I've also got reviews of a Scatterbrain/Ugly Kid Joe concert I attended (my first ever stage dive!) and the final show of KISS' "Hot in the Shade" tour that I really wanna post here cuz those were a lot of fun to read again...

[aMetalhead1966]

For a 20 year old you had/have a great writing style..

 

Thanks... though obviously I had a lil' problem with pretentiousness back then... must've been reading too much Rolling Stone at the time

[KarpetRydOFunk]

For a 20 year old you had/have a great writing style..

 

Thanks... though obviously I had a lil' problem with pretentiousness back then... must've been reading too much Rolling Stone at the time

 

If it's true you do have an Extreme concert review, then post that shit. Right half today, and finish it tomorrow.

 

I'll get to it... though to be honest the best part about that article is not the concert review itself, but the back story surrounding it... put it to you this way, the title of the article was "An Extreme-ly Rough Night in Brooklyn"

 

I've also got reviews of a Scatterbrain/Ugly Kid Joe concert I attended (my first ever stage dive!) and the final show of KISS' "Hot in the Shade" tour that I really wanna post here cuz those were a lot of fun to read again...

Well, stop telling us about the things to come, and just bring 'em! Haha!

[Fat Freddy]

Well, stop telling us about the things to come, and just bring 'em! Haha!

 

More to come soon... I had no idea that this thread would become such a hit!

[Geoff]

While so many bands are trying to sound LIKE the blues, Cinderella are one of the few who sound OF the blues.

Love this line, mate.

 

Cool Bang Gang review too. Man I love that disc.

[Fat Freddy]

While so many bands are trying to sound LIKE the blues, Cinderella are one of the few who sound OF the blues.

Love this line, mate.

 

 

Awful, isn't it? I can't believe nobody called me out on that bullshit. I probably copped it from a Tom Petty album review or something. Although my favorite, most cringeworthy line is the last one:

 

Together with the Black Crowes, Cinderella are going to spearhead a whole new decade of blues-based rock supremacy. Get in on the ground floor now!

 

This review appeared in March of '91, and if memory serves, Nirvana's NEVERMIND was released in April of 91. So yeah, so much for my musical crystal-ball predictions. I really called that one on the money didn't I?

[Geoff]

While so many bands are trying to sound LIKE the blues, Cinderella are one of the few who sound OF the blues.

Love this line, mate.

 

 

Awful, isn't it? I can't believe nobody called me out on that bullshit. I probably copped it from a Tom Petty album review or something. Although my favorite, most cringeworthy line is the last one:

 

Together with the Black Crowes, Cinderella are going to spearhead a whole new decade of blues-based rock supremacy. Get in on the ground floor now!

 

This review appeared in March of '91, and if memory serves, Nirvana's NEVERMIND was released in April of 91. So yeah, so much for my musical crystal-ball predictions. I really called that one on the money didn't I?

It's all gold, mate. You had yourself some wikked accurate predictions, though. HAHA!

[Fat Freddy]

By popular demand, here's one more for today. This one dates back to December of 1991... and though this review is pretty over-the-top with its fanboy ass-lathering, I still love this particular album to this day so I stand by everything I wrote (even though I was pretty clueless as to what I was saying, haha)

 

Savatage's STREETS Is A Trip Worth Taking! (Yes, that was really the headline... UGH... )

 

Savatage, "Streets: A Rock Opera" (Atlantic Records)

Rating on a 1-to-10 scale: 10 (!!)

 

Hallelujah! Just as I was about to write 1991 off as a near-complete musical wasteland, Florida's Savatage comes in late in the running with an album that re-affirms my faith in humanity. (I don't give out "10" ratings lightly, you realize.) "Streets: A Rock Opera" is not only the best Savatage album to date, but it also has a lock on my favorite album of the year.

What if Andrew Lloyd Webber were to collaborate with a metal band? Something like "Streets" might be the result. As you might have guessed from the title, this is a concept album, but it's also a lot more. "Streets" is a musical, lyrical, and emotional tour de force.

Savatage has toyed with theatrical, Broadway-styled arrangements on their last couple of albums, most notably on "When The Crowds Are Gone" and the title track to 1990's "Gutter Ballet" LP, but on "Streets" they've finally gone whole hog with it, mining the theatrical vein for all it's worth, to beautiful effect as the band details the story of "D.T. Jesus," a former New York street junkie who became a rock star. Years later, his star long faded, he's back to dealing drugs on the Avenue. Tired of the life he's living, he attempts to mount a comeback, only to find his past -- and his own self doubts -- coming back to haunt him.

The saga is spread out over seventeen tracks, and what a roller coaster it is; skull-crushingly heavy tracks like "Jesus Saves" and "Ghost In The Ruins" segue into '70s style rockers like "You're Alive" (reminiscent of "Tommy"-era Who) or hauntingly beautiful ballads like the gorgeous, Beatle-esque "Heal My Soul." For other bands, the transitions between styles might have been jarring or uneven, but Savatage does it with ridiculous ease. This is an album that grabs you by the throat from the first track and draws you into the storyline, much in the way that Queensryche's "Operation: Mindcrime" did.

Another plus is that Savatage has managed to successfully avoid one of the traps inherent in a concept album: paying too much attention to the storyline and not giving each track its own identity (King Diamond, for example, has yet to learn this). Each of the songs on "Streets" stands up by itself, beautifully played, lushly produced, and eerily atmospheric. Vocalist Jon Oliva has never been in better voice, and he plays a pretty mean piano throughout the album too. Extra kudos for including an explanation of the albums' storyline inside the cassette... now if only Queensryche, VoiVod, or any of the other "concept" bands would do the same!

Nothing's left to say except that this album is a definite must-buy. Where else are you going to get Broadway style tunes, heavy metal, and '70s rock bombast all in one perfect package? Please support this magnum opus and help Savatage escape from the "cult" band basement that they've been in since the early '80s. Moreover, if their stage show is half as ambitious as this album, then this tour is NOT to be missed!!

[Geoff]

Hallelujah! Just as I was about to write 1991 off as a near-complete musical wasteland,

HOLY SHITBALLS MAN!!! Really?! 1988-1992 are my favourite years of music, 1991 sure as heck included. You evil, evil man.

[Fat Freddy]

Hallelujah! Just as I was about to write 1991 off as a near-complete musical wasteland,

HOLY SHITBALLS MAN!!! Really?! 1988-1992 are my favourite years of music, 1991 sure as heck included. You evil, evil man.

 

Yea, I know... that was a stupid as hell statement, hahaha. What can I tell ya, I talked out of my ass A LOT during this period... I guess when I wrote that, I was still stung by how little I'd liked Metallica's "Black Album" (which was the "big album" release that year of course) and therefore I took it out on an entire year's worth of music.

[heaven&hell]

Hallelujah! Just as I was about to write 1991 off as a near-complete musical wasteland,

HOLY SHITBALLS MAN!!! Really?! 1988-1992 are my favourite years of music, 1991 sure as heck included. You evil, evil man.

 

Yea, I know... that was a stupid as hell statement, hahaha. What can I tell ya, I talked out of my ass A LOT during this period... I guess when I wrote that, I was still stung by how little I'd liked Metallica's "Black Album" (which was the "big album" release that year of course) and therefore I took it out on an entire year's worth of music.

 

I bet you back in '91 your were one of those Metal elistists that only listened to vinyl.

[Dark Star]

Damn I just LOVE reading these reviews Man!! Sure You talked out Yer ass, but they still damn good reading.. Keep em coming!!!!!

[LV KIX]

Awful, isn't it? I can't believe nobody called me out on that bullshit. I probably copped it from a Tom Petty album review or something. Although my favorite, most cringeworthy line is the last one:

 

Together with the Black Crowes, Cinderella are going to spearhead a whole new decade of blues-based rock supremacy. Get in on the ground floor now!

 

This review appeared in March of '91, and if memory serves, Nirvana's NEVERMIND was released in April of 91. So yeah, so much for my musical crystal-ball predictions. I really called that one on the money didn't I?

 

Well... your prediction may have had a better chance of coming true if Stevie Ray Vaughan hadn't been killed in a helicopter crash in August of 1990. He was only 35 years old. I for one think that Stevie Ray would have been able to help keep this blues-based rock era alive (or at least would have been able to prolong it).