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Almost English


Fat Freddy
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My wife picked up a 6-pack of kitchen scrubber sponges at a flea market while we were in the Poconos over the weekend. I just happened to read the label on the cardboard band surrounding the sponges, and found the "almost English" on the label totally hilarious. Here's the copy on the label, verbatim, exactly as it's spelled and phrased, nothing has been changed.

 

BEST CHOICE

THE HOUSE RESIDES ESSENTIAL

SCRUBBER CLEANING BALL

NEW! Don't glue the oil

 

INSTRUCTIONS:

The products applies to clean family, brush tableware, bathtub, washbasin, ceramic tile, glass, Aluminum products, plastics products and stainless steel products etc. family appliances. It can't damnify household utensils surface absolutely. Also it's decontamination is effective, using conveniention. It is excellent products in the new century.

 

...Need I mention that these sponges were made in China? :rofl2:

 

Anybody got any examples of unintentionally hilarious foreign packaging attempts at English, post'em here... a trip to the local dollar store is bound to provide endless fodder for this thread... :rofl2:

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:rofl2: ...That's Funny as hell....

 

I'm still tryin' to figure out what "Don't glue the oil" means... <_<

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I really like the fact that "It can't damnify household utensils surface absolutely."

:rofl2: This a real comfort to me...the last thing I need is my housedhold utensils

damnify... :unsure:

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I really like the fact that "It can't damnify household utensils surface absolutely."

:rofl2: This a real comfort to me...the last thing I need is my housedhold utensils

damnify... :unsure:

 

Yea, well, of course it's not going to damnify your household utensils. That's their handy dandy conviention decontamination feature hard at work. :P

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:rofl2: ...That's Funny as hell....

 

I'm still tryin' to figure out what "Don't glue the oil" means... <_<

:rofl2: I've made this mistake before..Never glue the oil...it just doesn't hold up well..

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The products applies to clean family, brush tableware, bathtub, washbasin, ceramic tile, glass, Aluminum products, plastics products and stainless steel products etc. family appliances.

 

 

You Can Clean your family with these.. :rolleyes:

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The products applies to clean family, brush tableware, bathtub, washbasin, ceramic tile, glass, Aluminum products, plastics products and stainless steel products etc. family appliances.

 

 

You Can Clean your family with these.. :rolleyes:

 

 

I wouldn't wanna try that... these scrubbers look kinda scratchy... like they'd probably chafe :yikes:

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The products applies to clean family, brush tableware, bathtub, washbasin, ceramic tile, glass, Aluminum products, plastics products and stainless steel products etc. family appliances.

 

 

You Can Clean your family with these.. :rolleyes:

 

 

I wouldn't wanna try that... these scrubbers look kinda scratchy... like they'd probably chafe :yikes:

Try it on the wife first, so you don't hurt yourself.

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The products applies to clean family, brush tableware, bathtub, washbasin, ceramic tile, glass, Aluminum products, plastics products and stainless steel products etc. family appliances.

 

 

You Can Clean your family with these.. :rolleyes:

 

 

I wouldn't wanna try that... these scrubbers look kinda scratchy... like they'd probably chafe :yikes:

Try it on the wife first, so you don't hurt yourself.

:rofl2:

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Just so you know.... According to Webster:

 

Damnify ~ (verb) ~ To cause loss or damage to; to injure; to impair.................OR.......

 

Damnify ~ (aggrieve); do one's worst; knock down; deal a blow to; play havoc with, play sad havoc with, play the mischief with, play the deuce with, play the very devil with, play havoc among, play sad havoc among, play the mischief among, play the deuce among, play the very devil among; decimate.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

So it "can't damnify household utensils surface absolutely". But can it damnify your family if you attempt to apply in order to clean your family....? Or do you need a "clean family" to use this product in the first place?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And just incase you ever need it.... Here is morse code for "DAMNIFY" :

 

-.. .- -- -. .. ..-. -.--.

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Just so you know.... According to Webster:

 

Damnify ~ (verb) ~ To cause loss or damage to; to injure; to impair.................OR.......

 

Damnify ~ (aggrieve); do one's worst; knock down; deal a blow to; play havoc with, play sad havoc with, play the mischief with, play the deuce with, play the very devil with, play havoc among, play sad havoc among, play the mischief among, play the deuce among, play the very devil among; decimate.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

So it "can't damnify household utensils surface absolutely". But can it damnify your family if you attempt to apply in order to clean your family....? Or do you need a "clean family" to use this product in the first place?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And just incase you ever need it.... Here is morse code for "DAMNIFY" :

 

-.. .- -- -. .. ..-. -.--.

 

:rofl2:

 

Now that I think about it, "Damnify" would be a great name for a thrash metal band.

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Just so you know.... According to Webster:

 

Damnify ~ (verb) ~ To cause loss or damage to; to injure; to impair.................OR.......

 

Damnify ~ (aggrieve); do one's worst; knock down; deal a blow to; play havoc with, play sad havoc with, play the mischief with, play the deuce with, play the very devil with, play havoc among, play sad havoc among, play the mischief among, play the deuce among, play the very devil among; decimate.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

So it "can't damnify household utensils surface absolutely". But can it damnify your family if you attempt to apply in order to clean your family....? Or do you need a "clean family" to use this product in the first place?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And just incase you ever need it.... Here is morse code for "DAMNIFY" :

 

-.. .- -- -. .. ..-. -.--.

 

:rofl2:

 

Now that I think about it, "Damnify" would be a great name for a thrash metal band.

Backed... :banger:

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Just so you know.... According to Webster:

 

Damnify ~ (verb) ~ To cause loss or damage to; to injure; to impair.................OR.......

 

Damnify ~ (aggrieve); do one's worst; knock down; deal a blow to; play havoc with, play sad havoc with, play the mischief with, play the deuce with, play the very devil with, play havoc among, play sad havoc among, play the mischief among, play the deuce among, play the very devil among; decimate.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

So it "can't damnify household utensils surface absolutely". But can it damnify your family if you attempt to apply in order to clean your family....? Or do you need a "clean family" to use this product in the first place?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And just incase you ever need it.... Here is morse code for "DAMNIFY" :

 

-.. .- -- -. .. ..-. -.--.

 

:rofl2:

 

Now that I think about it, "Damnify" would be a great name for a thrash metal band.

Backed... :banger:

 

 

And of course the debut release would be titled... "Don't Glue The Oil"

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Just so you know.... According to Webster:

 

Damnify ~ (verb) ~ To cause loss or damage to; to injure; to impair.................OR.......

 

Damnify ~ (aggrieve); do one's worst; knock down; deal a blow to; play havoc with, play sad havoc with, play the mischief with, play the deuce with, play the very devil with, play havoc among, play sad havoc among, play the mischief among, play the deuce among, play the very devil among; decimate.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

So it "can't damnify household utensils surface absolutely". But can it damnify your family if you attempt to apply in order to clean your family....? Or do you need a "clean family" to use this product in the first place?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And just incase you ever need it.... Here is morse code for "DAMNIFY" :

 

-.. .- -- -. .. ..-. -.--.

 

:rofl2:

 

Now that I think about it, "Damnify" would be a great name for a thrash metal band.

Backed... :banger:

 

 

And of course the debut release would be titled... "Don't Glue The Oil"

:rofl2::drink:

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They'll no doubt be on the newly formed Babelfish Records....

Babelfish Records

 

For liking those want metal effectivenessly!

:rofl2:

 

The Track Listing is..

1. SCRUBBER CLEANING BALL

a.Decontamination is Effective-Part 1

b.Damnify

2.Products in The New Century

3.The House Resides Essential

4.Surface Absolutely

5.Don't Glue The Oil

6.Family Appliances

7.Using Conveniention.

8.Damnify The Houshold

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  • 3 months later...

Took me a while to find this thread, but I have two new examples of "Almost English" for ya...

 

While we were camping over the weekend, my sister in law brought along a couple of new shovel & pail sets for the kids to use (they like digging around in the gravel that covers each camp site.) Each of the pails had a big sticker on it that said "SANDED PLAYTHING," which caused much hilarity. Adding to the surreal factor was the picture on the sticker, which was a bunch of cartoony fruits & vegetables (pineapples, tomatoes, etc.) with arms and legs playing with pails and shovels on the beach. :blink:

 

Then today my son won a dollar in some sort of kindergarten raffle and of course wanted to go blow it on some piece of crap plastic toy at the Just-A-Buck right away. He selected a dune buggy whose packaging promises that it's "CROSS COUNTRY FRICTION POWERED" and comes in "many colours a lot selected Freely by you!"

 

Even more cryptic are the stickers on the dune buggy itself, which read "BEAT SUPER 2000!" "Burning Ball Magnum! Super MR V6 4500 Power!" "SPEEDY! 2000 Angel!" :blink:

 

By the way, if anyone else has some examples of "Almost English," feel free to chime in ... come on, I can't be the only one who finds this phenomenon hilarious.

 

For those who aren't hip to it already, there's a whole web site devoted to this sort of stuff (odd signs, packages, T-shirt messages, etc. found in foreign lands) called "Engrish," and it can be found at http://www.engrish.com -- it's always good for a few laughs.

 

Till next time, remember -- DON'T GLUE THE OIL!

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Took me a while to find this thread, but I have two new examples of "Almost English" for ya...

 

While we were camping over the weekend, my sister in law brought along a couple of new shovel & pail sets for the kids to use (they like digging around in the gravel that covers each camp site.) Each of the pails had a big sticker on it that said "SANDED PLAYTHING," which caused much hilarity. Adding to the surreal factor was the picture on the sticker, which was a bunch of cartoony fruits & vegetables (pineapples, tomatoes, etc.) with arms and legs playing with pails and shovels on the beach. :blink:

 

Then today my son won a dollar in some sort of kindergarten raffle and of course wanted to go blow it on some piece of crap plastic toy at the Just-A-Buck right away. He selected a dune buggy whose packaging promises that it's "CROSS COUNTRY FRICTION POWERED" and comes in "many colours a lot selected Freely by you!"

 

Even more cryptic are the stickers on the dune buggy itself, which read "BEAT SUPER 2000!" "Burning Ball Magnum! Super MR V6 4500 Power!" "SPEEDY! 2000 Angel!" :blink:

 

By the way, if anyone else has some examples of "Almost English," feel free to chime in ... come on, I can't be the only one who finds this phenomenon hilarious.

 

For those who aren't hip to it already, there's a whole web site devoted to this sort of stuff (odd signs, packages, T-shirt messages, etc. found in foreign lands) called "Engrish," and it can be found at http://www.engrish.com -- it's always good for a few laughs.

 

Till next time, remember -- DON'T GLUE THE OIL!

That whole dune buggy rant had me laughing my ass off!! :rofl2:

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That whole dune buggy rant had me laughing my ass off!! :rofl2:

 

The dune buggy was broken by dinner time today. My son was bummed at first then he finally sez "I guess I gotta stop buying this dollar store crap!" :rofl:

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Took the Boys to the Dollar Store yesterday morning... You know what THAT means, yet another junky toy plastic truck in hilarious packaging. The cardboard tray that this truck sat in proclaims it to be a SUPER TRUCK, with such features as "21 First Car Wind Speed," "Super Power," "High Performance," and "Super Modern." If that weren't enough to convince you that this truck is worth a dollar, on the sides of the box it reads, and I quote directly here:

 

"GO! High Performance! HOT SERVE To Rank First Among Similar Products"

 

...whatever the HELL that means. I'm glad to hear it ranks first among similar products, although I suppose if they mean ranked among the other cheap plastic trucks they sell in dollar stores, that is not really saying much now is it?

 

The truck itself has a bunch of stickers all over it too, of course, most of which aren't very funny ("HIGH PERFORMANCE!" and "SUPER MAX!"), but this one on the roof of the cab puzzles me - it sez "SURMOUNT 389 NEW." Um...okay, sure! Whatever!!

 

This particular truck survived the rest of the day and is still in one piece as of this morning, by the way, which already puts it ahead of the last one my son bought... so hey, I guess it really does rank first among similar products! :rofl:

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Took the Boys to the Dollar Store yesterday morning... You know what THAT means, yet another junky toy plastic truck in hilarious packaging. The cardboard tray that this truck sat in proclaims it to be a SUPER TRUCK, with such features as "21 First Car Wind Speed," "Super Power," "High Performance," and "Super Modern." If that weren't enough to convince you that this truck is worth a dollar, on the sides of the box it reads, and I quote directly here:

 

"GO! High Performance! HOT SERVE To Rank First Among Similar Products"

 

...whatever the HELL that means. I'm glad to hear it ranks first among similar products, although I suppose if they mean ranked among the other cheap plastic trucks they sell in dollar stores, that is not really saying much now is it?

 

The truck itself has a bunch of stickers all over it too, of course, most of which aren't very funny ("HIGH PERFORMANCE!" and "SUPER MAX!"), but this one on the roof of the cab puzzles me - it sez "SURMOUNT 389 NEW." Um...okay, sure! Whatever!!

 

This particular truck survived the rest of the day and is still in one piece as of this morning, by the way, which already puts it ahead of the last one my son bought... so hey, I guess it really does rank first among similar products! :rofl:

It's gotta be fast if it has "21 First Car Wind Speed"!!! :drag:

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