Almost English

[aMetalhead1966]

I rove Engrish.com, me rong time supporter!

 

Look to here nicely for happy time!

That 's a great site..woknwoll

[Fat Freddy]

I'm back with another example of "Almost English"....

 

My son was going thru his trick-or-treat bag from Halloween looking for a snack when he handed me this thing... someone must've been handing out dime-store novelties instead of candy. It's a little plastic packet called a "BOMB BAG," which I vaguely remember from my youth. When you shake it, it sounds like there's sand inside, and there's a bubble thingy in the middle. You have to squeeze the bubble to break it open and whatever's in that interacts with the sandy stuff inside, causing the bag to quickly inflate and then it pops with a really loud BANG. Anyway, it's a good thing that I remember how to use this thing because the instructions on the side aren't very helpful. They read, and I quote:

 

BOMB BAG

How to Play:

1. Suitable for outdoor play.

2. Feel the mystical object (Magic Water Inside) by finger, squeeze the object then throw it away within five seconds. It will make a big explode.

NOTE:

1. It does no harm to human body.

2. If clothes are stained with liquid (Magic Water), it can be cleaned by water.

3. PLEASE DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH!

[phaffas]

I'm back with another example of "Almost English"....

 

My son was going thru his trick-or-treat bag from Halloween looking for a snack when he handed me this thing... someone must've been handing out dime-store novelties instead of candy. It's a little plastic packet called a "BOMB BAG," which I vaguely remember from my youth. When you shake it, it sounds like there's sand inside, and there's a bubble thingy in the middle. You have to squeeze the bubble to break it open and whatever's in that interacts with the sandy stuff inside, causing the bag to quickly inflate and then it pops with a really loud BANG. Anyway, it's a good thing that I remember how to use this thing because the instructions on the side aren't very helpful. They read, and I quote:

 

BOMB BAG

How to Play:

1. Suitable for outdoor play.

2. Feel the mystical object (Magic Water Inside) by finger, squeeze the object then throw it away within five seconds. It will make a big explode.

NOTE:

1. It does no harm to human body.

2. If clothes are stained with liquid (Magic Water), it can be cleaned by water.

3. PLEASE DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH!

 

I wouldve said that all sounds like one of Geoffs hobbies, except #3 doesnt sound like him..

[Fat Freddy]

I was dismayed to find out over the weekend that our local Just-A-Buck dollar store, which had been the source of most of the "Almost English" contained in this thread, is now out of business.

How bad has the economy gotta be when the f**kin' dollar store closes up shop?

Seriously, tho, I'm bummed cuz that store was my one-stop shop for blank CDs, padded envelopes for mailing out CD trades, hilariously bad movies on DVD and various other odds and ends. I shall miss that place.

[Fat Freddy]

Bumpin' an oldie here cuz we got some GREAT new "Almost English" for Christmas yesterday... we bought our son a radio controlled Monster Truck and here are some gems of wisdom from its instruction booklet...

 

"NOTE: When going against itself, is steering the contrary. The transmitter antenna should always be fully lengthy and pointing towards the car while drive."

 

"Turn always on the car after the radio, when to will drive."

 

"WASHING: Dip NOT the car in the water."

 

"Never expose the battery to direct fire then it can explode."

 

"Make sure the batter is installed properly. Wrong connected, it can cause the leakage and in the worst case catch the battery on fire."

 

Ummm....yeah, I feel really safe having this thing around my house.

[Evil Rick]

Bumpin' an oldie here cuz we got some GREAT new "Almost English" for Christmas yesterday... we bought our son a radio controlled Monster Truck and here are some gems of wisdom from its instruction booklet...

 

"NOTE: When going against itself, is steering the contrary. The transmitter antenna should always be fully lengthy and pointing towards the car while drive."

 

"Turn always on the car after the radio, when to will drive."

 

"WASHING: Dip NOT the car in the water."

 

"Never expose the battery to direct fire then it can explode."

 

"Make sure the batter is installed properly. Wrong connected, it can cause the leakage and in the worst case catch the battery on fire."

 

Ummm....yeah, I feel really safe having this thing around my house.

No worries have you. Master Yoda the instruction writer he is. Safe with your little truck you are!

[heaven&hell]

Bumpin' an oldie here cuz we got some GREAT new "Almost English" for Christmas yesterday... we bought our son a radio controlled Monster Truck and here are some gems of wisdom from its instruction booklet...

 

"NOTE: When going against itself, is steering the contrary. The transmitter antenna should always be fully lengthy and pointing towards the car while drive."

 

"Turn always on the car after the radio, when to will drive."

 

"WASHING: Dip NOT the car in the water."

 

"Never expose the battery to direct fire then it can explode."

 

"Make sure the batter is installed properly. Wrong connected, it can cause the leakage and in the worst case catch the battery on fire."

 

Ummm....yeah, I feel really safe having this thing around my house.

No worries have you. Master Yoda the instruction writer he is. Safe with your little truck you are!

 

You're right on about the Yoda comment.

[phaffas]

Going against itself... deep.