STRESS RELIEF

[jason (FA-Q)]

My first attempt was 0%, because I didn't bother to read the directions. I just clicked on start and went for it. When I ended up with 0% I figured, "hmmm, maybe i should read the instructions?"

 

My second attempt was 100%.

[T-BONE]

first try on the colour test 38%

fourth try 100%

 

I will be singing the alphabet song all day now

Thank you

I hope to GOD you don't work with heavy machinery.

 

People are gonna wonder what's wrong with you running around in a daze singing the ABC's with a pool of drool running from your chin

[Christine]

First try I got 88%, but my brain is fried for the day!

[ksymrtn]

FROM 13 TO 1 -- THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY:

 

13. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway...

 

12. Life is sexually transmitted...

 

11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die...

 

10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich...

 

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother

you for weeks...

 

8. Some people are like Slinkies . .not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when

you see one tumble down the stairs...

 

7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...

 

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again..

 

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism..

 

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

 

3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal...

 

2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close

resemblance to the first...

 

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

 

You read about all these Terrorists most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired

visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration & Homeland Security...

 

 

 

[Bubbasmama]

8. Some people are like Slinkies . .not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when

you see one tumble down the stairs...

I LOVE this one!!!

[T-BONE]

See if you can find the Surprise!!!!!

 

Surprise Inside

[T-BONE]

Bad Bad Bad

 

Priceless Twister

[ksymrtn]

OMG.................I had to watch it twice, I missed it the first time................LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T-Bone you are soooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!

[T-BONE]

What a TWIT! Check out this moron!

 

Oooooops

[Bubbasmama]

See if you can find the Surprise!!!!!

 

Surprise Inside

OMG!!! That one needed an instant replay!!! Three times!!!

[ksymrtn]

See if you can find the Surprise!!!!!

 

Surprise Inside

OMG!!! That one needed an instant replay!!! Three times!!!

Like I SAID...........I had to watch it twice before I actually saw the surprise............LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONCE was enough for me..........

[hsf]

Don't know if these were on before, but as I'm here after the fact and I just reminded myself of them, here goes:

 

 

What do Michael Jackson and Michael Jordan have in common?

 

They both have played ball in the minors.

 

(BOOOO!)

 

 

What did the mother say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

 

Please get out of my son.

 

 

Did you hear Michael Jackson got food poisoning? He ate a 10 year-old wiener.

 

[hsf]

Southern Medical Dictionary

 

Benign..................... What you be after you be eight.

Bacteria................... Back door to cafeteria

Barium..................... What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section........... A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan.................... Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize.................. Made eye contact with her.

Colic...................... A sheep dog.

Coma....................... A punctuation mark.

D&C........................ Where Washington is.

Dilate..................... To live long.

Enema...................... Not a friend.

Fester..................... Quicker than someone else.

Fibula..................... A small lie.

Genital.................... Non-Jewish person.

G.I.Series................. World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail................... What you hang your coat on.

Impotent................... Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain................. Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff.............. A Doctor's cane.

Morbid..................... A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates................... Cheaper than day rates.

Node........................I knew it.

Outpatient................. A person who has fainted.

Pelvis..................... Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative............. A letter carrier.

Recovery Room.............. Place to do upholstery.

Secretion.................. Hiding something

Seizure.................... Roman emperor.

Tablet..................... A small table.

Terminal Illness........... Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor...................... More than one.

Varicose................... Near by/close by

[hsf]

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?

 

So he could run his fingers through his hair.

[Bubbasmama]

[Bubbasmama]

Hell......this looks like my bed EVERY night!!!

 

 

[hsf]

Hell......this looks like my bed EVERY night!!!

YEESH! Looks like a war zone!

[Bubbasmama]

Hell......this looks like my bed EVERY night!!!

YEESH! Looks like a war zone!

Nahhhhhh........I just like my space!!! Kid and cat are NOT to cross the "line of death"

[hsf]

Nahhhhhh........I just like my space!!! Kid and cat are NOT to cross the "line of death"

Ahh, I gotcha. Just have to mark off your territory so you can get some

[ksymrtn]

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and

suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

 

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."

 

And God agreed.

 

On the second day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who

comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

 

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."

 

So God agreed (sigh).

 

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people,do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll

give you a twenty year life span."

 

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so

that's what I'll do too, okay?"

 

And God agreed again.

 

On the forth day God created man.

 

God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy,enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."

 

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! No way, man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave

back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

 

"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

 

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex,enjoy, and do nothing; for the next

forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

 

Life has now been explained.

[T-BONE]

Help Me Help Me...Call The Police!!!

 

Dial Here

[Bubbasmama]

"AND ANOTHER THING"!!!!!............

 

 

[66 mustang]

IF YOU USE a empty skoal can with four pennies in it as a baby rattle----you might be a redneck

[T-BONE]

Define "RETARD"

 

Gas Pumpin Fun

[Bubbasmama]

Define "RETARD"

 

Gas Pumpin Fun

Dang......even Bubba looked at that and said "Whatta DORK"