Hilarious Movie Review

[Evil Rick]

I pulled up Netflix today and noticed my wife had started watching a movie called "All American Orgy". Here is the movie cover:

 

 

So anyway, I was kind of surprised because that isn't really a movie I would expect her to watch. I pulled up the reviews for the movie and this is the first one I read (Geoff, did you write this?? ):

 

HEYYY, wait a flippin' minute. even though i have an entire world of pornography at my fingertips and have seen American Pie 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and part of 10 i still rented this movie cuz i saw the lady with no head on the cover wearing some spicy lingerie. NOW I AM ALMOST POSITIVE she was NOT in the movie. I'm not entirely sure cuz like i said, you cant see her head.

 

But still! I wanted to see her take off most of that lingerie so i got the movie and everyone is wearing sweaters and not lingerie and i'm like, "what kinda movie is this? is this some movie about sweaters? is the lingerie under the sweaters? did i need special x ray glasses with this rental to see through the peoples clothes?" where is the girl in the lingerie i wondered all the way through the end credits. i was hoping she would pop up during the credits and do a little dance for me. but she never did. I don't understand how this happened. or how they could do this to me.

 

i feel very toyed with. graphic dialogue alone WILL NOT do the trick, pal. i searched the dvd for easter eggs that may have contained nudity or maybe the lady in the little lingerie number on the cover (who is not in the movie...at all. not even as a gas station attendant or like someone who runs a wooden fruit cart stand on the street, or here's a novel idea--A LINGERIE MODEL who gets overheated thus removing her top) but there were none that i could find. has anyone had any luck?

 

i wont be fooled like this again. And I badly needed to see some nudity and i didn't see anything or anyone without their clothes on. you would have thought their clothes were stitched on. not even a naked dude. i would have taken a naked dude by the end. or like a naked ghost. but what i really really really wanted was that lady in the lingerie on the cover. the one with no head. i bet she has a real pretty face. with a beautiful smile and kind eyes. but i guess we'll never know.

[Jeff]

That last paragraph is f'ing great!

 

"or like a naked ghost"

"with a beautiful smile and kind eyes"

[Geoff]

That really made me laugh heartily.

 

The eerie thing is that before I read a word, I saw the cover and thought to myself, wow, I don't care what this review is like. I would see this movie for the girl on the cover alone. No word of a lie.

 

Thank Jesus for that review, though, and now I needn't bother. Seriously, though, top cover.

[Captain Howdy]

I'm more interested in the fact that Ricks wife is watching a film called American orgy.

[Geoff]

I'm more interested in the fact that Ricks wife is watching a film called American orgy.

Interested, or aroused?

[Evil Rick]

I'm more interested in the fact that Ricks wife is watching a film called American orgy.

I have to admit I was very surprised...and a bit interested myself. But I think that's a dead end street.