T-BONE

Hahahahaha!!!!!!! Star Schmucks

Mwahahahahaha Y.A.A.F.M.: Britney Spears

You know you're living in 2004 when... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line. 8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. 10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news. 11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job. 12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home. 13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen. 14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee. 16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. 17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Take It Easy - Andy Taylor

I won a Pink Cream 69 - S/T cd from him a while back. I paid right away and 3 weeks went buy and nothing from him, so I finally e-mailed him about it. It took 3 days for a response, but he said he was on vacation nd it would be looked in to. Another week went by and I e-mailed him again and he again waited a little over a day to e-mail me back saying it just went out and I should have it soon. Give it a week. After that, I e-mailed him and still no cd. He said he would look for a replacement and send it ASAP. I waited another 5 days and e-mailed him still with no cd. He had no clue and finally decided to refund me through PayPal. Even that took him almost a week to do. I had already won the same CD from another seller and had it 2 weeks before I ever recieved my refund from him. I agree with Dan in thinking that he's probably outgrown himself. Either that or he has alot of idiots working for him. I've ordered from him a few times and that was the only problem I've ever had.

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a female brain, and $200 for a male brain." The moment turned awkward. Women in the room tried not to smile; avoiding eye contact with the men, but some actually smirked. A woman unable to control her curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the female brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the male brains, because they've actually been used."

Interesting Facts... 1. Two-thirds of a man's sexual system is inside his body, not on the outside. 2. Girls tend to sleep more soundly than boys. 3. Each testis has about 250 separate chambers. 4. Many more men are colour blind than women. No one is quite sure why. 5. Each sperm takes between 60 and 72 days to develop. 6. Stuttering is four to six times more common in boys than girls. 7. Sperm production occurs only at about 4 degrees below normal body temperature. A higher temperature not only prevents sperm production, but kills sperm in storage. 8. The average man will spent about 145 days of his life shaving. 9. In the course of a lifetime, a man will blink about 250 million times. 10. The human mouth contains more bacteria than any other orifice in the body. 11. Men get hiccups more often than women. 12. The smallest functioning penis in medical history was just over one centimeter long. 13. Human beings have been around for only 0.0002 percent of the Earth's history. 14. Of the 22 bones connected by joints in your skull, only one can move the one in your lower jaw, which permits you to talk, laugh and chew food. 15. Most erect penises are 14 - 16 cm long. 16. If the average man never shaved, his beard would grow to the length of about eight metres. 17. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time. 18. Penis size has no direct relationship either to the ability to reproduce or give sexual satisfaction. 19. All mammals, except man and monkeys, are colour blind. 20. About 100 calories are burned during human sexual intercourse. 21. Between 150 and 400 million sperm are ejaculated on orgasm. 22. Most men require a rest period between orgasms - this can last anything from a few minutes to a few weeks. 23. Married men are twice as likely to be obese as single men. 24. Man's three-pound brain is the most complex and orderly arrangement of matter known in the universe. 25. During orgasm, a man's heartbeat and breathing rate can increase to as much as 2.5 times their normal levels. 26. One psychological study has revealed that women talk about men three times as often as men talk about women. 27. Ultrasound tests have revealed that male foetuses have the capability for erections in the last trimester of gestation. 28. 85% of the guys who die while having sex are cheating on their wives. 29. One-fourth of the people who lose their sense of smell also lose their desire for sexual relations. 30. Men usually live less longer than women. Hmmmmmmm!

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The preacher shocked at the answer; dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?" The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus." By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again---but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?

Two drunks went into a bar and had a few beers. One got up and went into the bathroom while the other remained at the bar talking to the bartender. All of a sudden there was a loud scream coming from the bathroom. The drunk at the bar said to the bartender that it sounded like his partner screaming, so he went into the bathroom to investigate. He went inside and asked his friend what the problem was. His friend said that everytime he flushed the toilet something reached up and squeezed his balls. His friend shook his head and said, "You dumbass, you're sitting on the mop bucket!"

A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way. "Well, okay," he says, "how about a blow job?" "Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!" He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?" "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?" "Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that." So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain. "What's wrong?!" she cries out. "Take your thumb off the end!!"

Carlos Cavazo had some shoes to fill when joining Quiet Riot. Randy was small, but had some big shoes! Come to think of it, Jake E Lee and Zakk Wylde did as well when joining Ozzy

I had that happen when I first got my eBay membership. I won a Kane Roberts CD for very cheap. The seller did not even answer any of my e-mails for a little over a week. I finally sent him an eBay notice and no response to that either. I finally left him negative feedback and within 5 minutes, I had negative feedback left for me as well. He said I never e-mailed him, but he also had the same cd up for auction again. I knew it was the same because of the crack on the back of the jewel case. This time, he had a much higher price on it. After looking at his feedback, I could see why he was such an asshole, He had a shitload of negative feedback for no responses and harrassing e-mails. He soon after was suspended from eBay

A blonde finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits. She decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins. She again prays . "God, please let me win the Lotto. I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car if I don't get some money soon." Lotto night comes, and lady luck is not with her. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the Lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light. The Heavens open, and the blonde hears a booming voice: "Sweetheart, work with me on this.. BUY A TICKET."

A man walked into a quiet bar. He carried three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left arm. He placed them one beside the other upon the bar. He had a few drinks and chatted with the ducks, and with the bartender. The bartender was surprised, but experienced and had learned long ago not to ask people about animals they bring into the bar, so he didn't mention the ducks. They chatted for about another 30 minutes before the man with the ducks had to go to the restroom. He left the ducks alone on the bar with the bartender. There was an awkward silence as they all looked at one another. The bartender decided to try make a little conversation. "Say, what's your name?" he asked the first duck. "Huey," replied the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day! What else could a duck want?" said the duck. "Oh, that's nice," said the bartender. Then he said to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?" Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey?," he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too! Been in and out of puddles all day myself. If I had the chance another day I'd do the same again!," said the duck in reply. So the bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, "my name is Puddles. And don't even ask what kind of day I've had!

The Lord Of The Raised Sword

Bush Game

Happy Tree Friends

The Rainbow Show

NEH is very very trustworthy. I've gone through them many times in the past and have always had great service and fair prices. I would greatly recommend them

I know where you swiped them pics from MJ

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it's really phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day", he begins, 'I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream." "No shit?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued. "Kiss me, kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes" the frog says. "I looked around to see if I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful voluptuous naked woman." She said, "You now have 3 wishes." "I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, 'I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger!' "She nodded and snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was so big that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked 'What is your second wish?" "I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, 'I want to make sensuous love with you by the stream'. She nodded, laid down and beckoned me. We made love right there by the stream for hours!! God I was a love machine." "Afterwards, as we lay next to each other, sweating from our glorious love making she whispered in my ear, 'You know you have one more wish, what will it be? I looked at her and replied 'How about a little head?"

Celebrity Nip Slips

Luv Your Stuff - April Wine

Better Pics Of Catherine Bell That I Couldn't Post Here OMG! That may have been the saddest thing I ever saw in my life. I sincerely hope that the owner of that site isn't trying to peddle those pics as real. I've seen far better fakes in my day. Actually, I think a couple of those are actually real pics. I know she did some nude modeling a while back