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Script Changes For Proposed "The Sting" Remake


Axelinger
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In keeping with John Travolta's ridiculous, hammy, overblown histrionics as the renamed "Ryder" to Robert Shaw's calm, assured Mr. Green in The Taking of Pelham One Two Three "update", I'm seriously considering suggesting a remake of The Sting, altered to suit Travolta's penchant for over-the-top non-acting. Picture Travolta as a new-age gangster renamed Doyle Ryder; Ashton Kutcher as cool conman Kelso Gondorff, and Chris Rock as the racially-updated, Johhny Ho (Hooker). Of course, I'm sure the mindless idiots that flock to every remake and afterward declare it, "way better than the original" would lap it up like flies on the shitpile.

 

 

 

Floyd: Doyle, I KNOW I gave him four THREES. He had to make a SWITCH. We can't let him get away with that.

Doyle Ryder: What was I supposed to do, motherfucker - call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others? Lick my bunghole.

 

[Gondorff enters the poker game pretending to be drunk]

Kelso Gondorff: Sorry I'm, like, late, dudes. I was taking, like, a big, smelly shit when some dude, like, walked in on me and I was, like, punk’d.

 

Doyle Ryder: Not only are you a cheat, motherfucker, you're a gutless cheat as well, so lick my bunghole.

 

Doyle Ryder: We usually require a tie at this table, motherfucker... if you don't have one we can get you one.

Kelso Gondorff: Like, that'd be, like, real nice of you, Mr. Riddler!

Doyle Ryder: Ryder, motherfucker.

[Gondorff nods and burps] Duuuuuude!

 

Doyle Ryder: You see that motherfucker in the red sweater over there? His name's Chad McCoy. Works a few of the microchip counterfeit rackets for Mr. Big when he's waiting for something better to happen. Chad and I have known each other since we were sweathogs. Take a good look at that bunghole, Floyd. Because if he ever finds out I can be beat by one lousy, motherfuckin’ grifter, I'll have to kill him and every other motherfucker who wants to muscle in on my Brooklyn operation.

 

Doyle Ryder: I put it all on Lucky Horshack; half a million dollars for the motherfucker to win.

Kid Rock: To win? I said *place*! "Place it on Lucky H-" That bitch is gonna run second!

Doyle Ryder: [There is a pause, and Ryder runs horrified to the betting booth] There's been a mistake, motherfucker! Gimme my motherfuckin’ money back!

 

Doyle Ryder: Your boss is quite a motherfuckin’ card player, Mr. Kotter; how does he do it?

Johnny Ho: He cheats. Did I mention I know Puffy Combs? He da man; I mean, Puffy Combs is da man.

 

Doyle Ryder: [losing his temper with Kelso] The name's Ryder, motherfucker! Doyle, motherfuckin’ Ryder! You're gonna remember that name or you're gonna lick my bunghole! Ya follow?

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Oh, yeah. Sandler could bring his forte of a quirky misfit with a stupid voice, who manages to get the entire world seeing things from his quirky perspective by film's end. Thank you, Dennis Miller, for "discovering" that one-note cretin. I swear two seconds of Sandler's falsetto shtick is enough to get me into the bell tower with an automatic weapon. It's bad enough he and Chris Rock pissed all over the legacy of The Longest Yard. I just don't get Rock's ramblings either. He couldn't get above also-ran status on SNL; has bombed miserably in every feature he's had the lead in, yet somehow hangs on to lofty status in the entertainment industry. His raspy, squawking-parrot voice is enough to drive me up the wall, too.

 

Judging by the greed of the industry and the mindless public's seemingly endless thirst for any and all shitty remake, it's likely EVERY classic will be remade within our lifetime. Oy fuckin' vey.

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Oh, yeah. Sandler could bring his forte of a quirky misfit with a stupid voice, who manages to get the entire world seeing things from his quirky perspective by film's end. Thank you, Dennis Miller, for "discovering" that one-note cretin. I swear two seconds of Sandler's falsetto shtick is enough to get me into the bell tower with an automatic weapon. It's bad enough he and Chris Rock pissed all over the legacy of The Longest Yard. I just don't get Rock's ramblings either. He couldn't get above also-ran status on SNL; has bombed miserably in every feature he's had the lead in, yet somehow hangs on to lofty status in the entertainment industry. His raspy, squawking-parrot voice is enough to drive me up the wall, too.

 

Judging by the greed of the industry and the mindless public's seemingly endless thirst for any and all shitty remake, it's likely EVERY classic will be remade within our lifetime. Oy fuckin' vey.

 

 

Totally Agreed!!!

 

I will Hang myself if they ever touch TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD or A CLOCKWORK ORANGE.

You know thats coming very soon :angry:

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Oh, yeah. Sandler could bring his forte of a quirky misfit with a stupid voice, who manages to get the entire world seeing things from his quirky perspective by film's end. Thank you, Dennis Miller, for "discovering" that one-note cretin. I swear two seconds of Sandler's falsetto shtick is enough to get me into the bell tower with an automatic weapon. It's bad enough he and Chris Rock pissed all over the legacy of The Longest Yard. I just don't get Rock's ramblings either. He couldn't get above also-ran status on SNL; has bombed miserably in every feature he's had the lead in, yet somehow hangs on to lofty status in the entertainment industry. His raspy, squawking-parrot voice is enough to drive me up the wall, too.

 

Judging by the greed of the industry and the mindless public's seemingly endless thirst for any and all shitty remake, it's likely EVERY classic will be remade within our lifetime. Oy fuckin' vey.

 

 

Totally Agreed!!!

 

I will Hang myself if they ever touch TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD or A CLOCKWORK ORANGE.

You know thats coming very soon :angry:

 

If they EVER remake A Clockwork Orange?? I too, shall hang Myself.. After going to Hollywood, finding the MORON who did it, and cut his balls off...... :whistle:

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If they EVER remake A Clockwork Orange??

 

Now, who wouldn't pay to see a racially updated version of A Clockwork Orange set in the hood with Chris Rock or Chris Tucker as Alex with Cedric the Entertainer, Martin Lawrence, Beyonce, et al playing supporting roles? Of course, they'd have to throw in an explosion, or a car chase and wreck every 3 minutes or so to keep the attention-span-deprived audiences of today enthralled.

 

They did it with The Honeymooners. Nothing is sacred for a buck in Hollywood.

 

How about Sandler as Rhett Butler in an updated version of Gone With The Wind? "Frank-leeeeeeeeeeee, my deeeeeear. I just don't give a fuck."

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