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Melodicrock's Bizarre Man-Love Situation.


Axelinger
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First off, Rick Springfield is not on my playlist at all. Not my preferred genre, soap opera actor, etc. Just don't care for anything I've ever heard him do. Now, I read Melodicrock daily to catch up on new releases and other news items, but the last several days over there has become an absolute love-in with Rick Springfield, which borders on the bizarre. First off, Andrew stopped just short of proclaiming Springfield as the greatest lyricist of all time for the songs on his new album, Rocket Science - an assertion I find questionable, at best. Then this morning, his lead news item is a piece of fluff on Springfield displaying his Star Wars action figures in Rolling Stone. I mean, seriously - action figures(?) in Rolling Stone (??). Kids toys in one of the most clueless publications ever??? This weird fascination borders on the Seinfeld epiosode when George had a man-crush on Elaine's boyfriend, Tony. The pressing question, which must be asked is: when is Andrew having Springfield's baby?

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For whatever reason, Rick Springfield has some *VERY* obsessed fans, almost cultish. My ex-roommate from several decades ago was nutso for Rick Springfield. Personally, I never understood it. A one-hit-wonder with Jessie's Girl. I get all the middle-aged women fawning over him because of the soap opera stuff, but musically I've found his stuff mostly meh. It's not done much for me...

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So, I'm stopped at a red light in the work truck this morning, and the CD (I know - the stereo system is a bit behind the times) ends, so I eject it to put in another one, and what the hell do I hear playing on the radio? Yep, you guessed it - the last 20 or so seconds of Jessie's Girl. Weird. You just can't make this shit up.

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I take it all back. After stumbling accross this musical (?) collaboration, I must admit I was 100% wrong about Rick Springfield. The man IS a musical genius.

 

Former Child Actor
(Words and Music by Corey Feldman & Rick Springfield)


I’ve been boxed in, locked out, shut down
I want so much more

You can’t see me, you can’t free me
I am just your whore

I watch the faces turn away
The work I do is all in vain
I look around for someone to blame, blame

I could’ve been great, could’ve been a contender
But now I can’t do shit ‘cause I’m a former child actor
My message is strength and that should be a factor
But no one gives a crap ‘cause I’m a former child actor
The war I will rage is like a nuclear reactor
But the headlines still reads he’s just a former child actor
And even though that don’t mean shit to you
I still gotta sleep with me

Teenage heartthrob, life-long worst job
Don’t believe the hype

Don’t speak, play ball, dress nice, stay small
I am not the type

The boulevard of broken dreams was the address given to me
I’ve packed my bags long to be free, free

The label is set, should’ve put a tag there
On my birth certificate it reads former child actor
I hear you loud and clear, you better get a gag dead
No one wants to hear a word from former child actors
No one likes spite and I don’t mean to be bitter
But what did you expect I’m just a former child actor
And even though that don’t mean shit to you
I still gotta drink your pee

I could’ve been great, could’ve been a contender
But now I can’t do shit ‘cause I’m a former child actor
My message is strength and that should be a factor
But no one gives a crap ‘cause I’m a former child actor
The war I will rage is like a nuclear reactor
But the headlines still reads he’s just a former child actor

The label is set, should’ve put a tag there
On my birth certificate it reads former child actor
I hear you loud and clear, you better get a gag dead
No one wants to hear a word from former child actors
No one likes spite and I don’t mean to be bitter
But what did you expect I’m just a former child actor
And even though that don’t mean shit to you

 

 

 

Now, come on, folks. Gems like that just don't come along every day. The depth of the lyrics is what jumps out at me - particularly the part about pee drinking. I ask you - who else but Rick Springfield (along with the brilliant Feldman) could create such an imaginative lyric all by themself? I'm fairly certain I've NEVER heard a reference to what amounts to a figurative golden shower in ANY song before, but I was just mentioning to some close friends the other day that what this world needs is more songs about people pissing in Corey Feldman's mouth, and lo and behold, Rick Springfield and Feldman himself delivered just that. I didn't even know this wondrous song existed until just now, and it was released in 2002!!!!! Eeeeeeek!!!! How did I muddle through 13 years of my life without reading such inspirational lyrics after their blessed conception? I haven't actually listened to the song yet, as personally, I don't think I could ever get THAT drunk, but just knowing it's out there somewhere, cued up for my thirsty ears, is reason enough to go on living. Yessir, Andrew at Melodicrock, yer boy, Ricky, is one superfuckingfantastic lyricist.

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