T-BONE

Too funny! I just heard some snippits of the Coastline CD the other day and was going to look into getting it. Very Impressive CD

I'm currently running through all the Pretty Maids CD's from Future World up to Planet Panic. These guys cover just about every style of Rock from the mellow ballady through the 80's style melodic metal and everything in between. Highly recommended tunage here!!!

The Def Leppard tribute cd is called LeppardMania. Here's a pic and some info if you need it: http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Stage...ppardmania.html

I've dealt with rip-off artists on eBay also. only one had to do with a CD, but it wasn't an expensive one so I wasn't too worried. I had my eBay account hi-jacked in July of 2003 and it was shut down for about 9 days. I got to it in the nick of time to cancel the auction some shithead had placed under my name for a $2600 plasma TV. I hadn't sold anything for quite some time, so I never checked my seller section. I recieved an e-mail in my inbox stating my request to change my e-mail address. I had never changed it so I went to my account and made sure it was still the same one I had always used. I LUCKILY recieved an e-mail about 2 minutes later from a guy asking if he could bid on my auction and I was a little confused to what he meant. I went to my eBay account and found the TV listing so I cancelled the auction and notified eBay immediately. My first complaint is that eBay makes it damn near impossible to contact them!!! I spent almost 5 minutes going from automated page to automated page trying to get to the fraud section. I got my complaint filed and recieved the notification in my e-mail along with another statement that I had changed my e-mail addy again. I went back to my eBay account and it would not accept my password this time. I used my secret question and changed everything back again. I knew I was racing with someone on the other end to get my info changed. He was trying to lock me out of the account. Eventually he won, but for only a minute. I notified eBay about my account being hi-jacked and they shut down the account name for an investigation. My second complaint about eBay, they take forever to get back to you about anything and those automatically generated e-mails they send make me furious They are so impersonal. After 3 days of not hearing anything from them, I called my ex-fiance and asked her to come over and log into her old eBay account and e-mail addy. I had bookmarked the cancelled auction page. We went into her account and clicked on my username and preceeded to e-mail the guy asking why the auction was cancelled. It took the idiot about 35 minutes to respond. Here it is: HI , Thanks for your email. The product is brand new,completly working and very performant ,in unopened box,comes up with all accessories and the unit has international transferable warranty from the manufacturer.I will send you in the package an original invoice with all the papers (warranty,insurance...) .The buy it now price is $2600 US(I have closed the auction earlier so I can keep this low price).I am right now in Spain with this kind of deal and I prefere to receive the money via Western Union wire transfer ,because its fast and trouble free and as a shipping carrier i will use UPS express services because I have worked with them in the past and they were very fast and secure.Now,I understand u need protection for yourself and I need protection for myself so please take a good look at the situation: My feedback rating speaks for itself. I am a completely trustworthy person. I take online transactions extremely seriously.I am a man of my word and I will promise to do this deal safe. I will allow you to send this to a third party name via WU. I am not trying to be difficult, I am trying to run this deal legitimately and smoothly.I know that it is a large sum of money to just be sending blindly. You do sound and honest and a genuine person and i'm like you in that and I want everything to be 100% fine. Tell you what, you'll put the money in another name(your best friend name for example), but with my location(Spain) to know when the money have arrived to my country.This way I'll be able to track the transaction and check that the amount has been deposited accordingly. Upon receiving the package with the product in it, you will check it the same day and e-mail me back confirming it is all ok and that you have changed the name on the transaction itself to mine. This will enable me to pickup the money and i hope we can continue to do business on a regular occurence which is very swift, hassle free and beneficial to the both of us.Let me know asap what you think. Kindest Regards. _____________________________________________ Does that NOT sound SHADY as hell? He had even used my name as the e-mail header and my eBay ID @ dzite.com I then asked him why it said the account was suspended and I got this e-mail back from him: Here is what happened:I have received an offert from a so called ebay buyer to accept a deal outside eBay and i said yes.In fact,the buyer was working for eBay and since I didn't knew that this was against their rules,it got me suspended.Now i'm trying to sell them outside.Let me knoow if you are interested. Regards. ____________________________________________ I then sent him a very nasty letter stating who I was and he was now officially BUSTED!!! eBay finally called me 9 days later to verify who I was. She was very nice, but I told her my complaints about their notification system. and the amount of time they took to even get back to me. I have recieved many e-mails that look like they are from eBay stating that they have to update my info and my account was frozen until I do so. They then send you a link to go and log into your account. DO NOT EVER do this. It's their own page to copy your username and password. If you even do that, there's another page that'll have you resubmit your Paypal ID and address and all your other info. They now have control of your entire eBay account and you'll be nailed for alot of money. I heard from a friend that it happened to him so I knew what the e-mail was and forwarded it to eBay. eBay will NEVER send you an e-mail asking for info

Check out this link. There's some hilarious stuff here http://www.kimmershow.com/Links--and--Downloads.html

Hahaha I laughed my ass off!!!

I have one that is called Hard Rock & Heavy metal Encyclopedia. It's a blue cover with orangish hot pink lettering. I'll have to dig it out and tell you the publisher and year. It's not the years you wanted, but it goes up to 83-84 or so. It's a great reference book. No pics, but almost every band from that era you've ever heard of or never heard of is in there. I'll go look for it later

The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor: "As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm the Egg.' From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?" The sperm nodded affirmatively. The instructor impressed upon the sperm that he had to swim hard and reach the egg first, otherwise it would all be pointless. "You really have to swim for it!" Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and runs to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm but he still swims his heart out, tail fin aching, just to reach the egg first. At last he approaches the red, sticky ball, still way ahead of all the other sperm. When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says "Hi, I'm a sperm." The red sticky ball smiles and says "Hi. I'm a tonsil."

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note: Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take Care, Ricky

A woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned, her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and then daddy got on top of her..." Sonny's mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me." The father came home. As he walked into the house, his wife said, "I'm leaving you. I'm packing now and I'm leaving you." "But why--" asked the startled father. "Go ahead, Sonny. Tell daddy just what you told me." "Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your bedroom closet and daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and daddy got on top of her and then they did just what you did with uncle John when daddy was away last summer."

Private Jones was assigned to the army induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the lieutenant stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which recruits do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

A Little boy is in line with his dad. In front of them is a really fat woman. The Little boy looks her over and turns to his daddy and says, "She's really big and fat isn't she daddy?" The father is embarrassed and tries to get his son to quiet down. In a few minutes the little boy yells out, "She is the biggest woman I have ever seen!" The father is embarrassed to tears and bends over and whispers to his son, "We do not talk about people looking different from us, especially if they are fat. Don't do it again." The little boy got the message and stood for a long time, until the woman's pager went off. He then yelled, "Look out dad, she's backing up!"

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers starred at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know-I thought you were watching." --- MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Think YOU'RE Having A Bad Day?--- A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm. -- From A Florida Newspaper

Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor. "Father, I am sinful." "Yes, son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you." "Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3 years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I slept with her." "That's bad my boy, fortunately you realize your mistake." "Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too." "That's not very good of you." "Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too." "Father?......... Father?" Suddenly this guy realized that there was no response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor was not there. So he began searching for him. "Father? Where are you?" He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the table behind the piano. "Father, why are you hiding here?" "Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except me."

There are these two friends, a white guy and a black guy. One evening, they`re in a bar arguing over which of them can have sex the most times in one night. They decide to settle the issue by going to the local whorehouse and gathering experimental evidence, as it were. So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a couple of the ladies, and go to their respective rooms. The white guy energetically balls his whore and, reaching up with a pencil, makes a "| " mark on the wall. Then he falls asleep. He wakes up in a couple of hours and screws the whore again, albeit a little less enthusiastically this time. Again, he reaches back and marks a " | " on the wall. Again, he falls asleep. He wakes up again in a couple of hours and lethargically humps the hooker again. He drowsily marks another " | " on the wall and falls asleep for the rest of the night. The next morning, the black guy barges into the white guy`s room to see how he did. He takes one look at the wall and exclaims, "A hundred and eleven?! You beat me by three!"

After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around, when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the night stand by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Is it your dad or your brother?" he said, hoping to be reassured. "No,no, no!!!" she said. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery.

TERRIBLY TRUE TRUISM'S 1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes. 6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. 7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. 11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. 13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. 16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 17. Every calendar's days are numbered. 18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine. 19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. 20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 21. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 22. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. 26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. 27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 28. Santa's helpers are subordinate Clauses. 29. Acupuncture is a jab well done. 30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Little Johnny is passing his parent's bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks screwing. Before his dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" His dad, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

At age 85, Morris marries Lou Anne, a lovely 25-year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities, Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85-year-old groom ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Morris, who looks happy and eager. Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but you guessed it, Morris is back again, rapping on the door, and he is as fresh as a 25-year old. Once again they enjoy each other. But as Morris gets set to leave, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says, "You mean I was here already?"

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take an aspirin and go to bed, and no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife after sleeping soundly for an hour awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Her husband didn't know what her costume was. She thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he would act when she wasn't with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and cropping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sided up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She had let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little quickie. In fact two. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got back into bed wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked what kind of time he had. He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never danced one dance. When I got there I met Pete, Bill, and Paul and some other guys, so we went into the den to play poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to"

Send it to friends. It's funny Here's the real link for it: http://home.mn.rr.com/t1camp1/Focus.swf

Focus

This guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life." Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?" The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago." The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch." So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?" The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."

The Wisdom of Will Rogers ========================== Don't squat with your spurs on. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.......The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. Always drink upstream from the herd. When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson. When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. Never miss a good chance to shut up. There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.