T-BONE

Body Talk - Ratt

Nobody Knows - Lillian Axe

Heaven's On Fire - Kiss

Stronger Now - Warrant

Humina Humina Humina

Please Forgive Me - Bryan Adams

DOCTOR MOMENTS (True) >A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX >~~~~~~ At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient. --Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA >~~~~~~ One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada >~~~~ ~~ I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA >~~~~~~ During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch". The nurse told me to put a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. --Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA >~~~~~ While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered ... "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive." --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR >~~~~~~ I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI >~~~~~~ A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and >further embarrassed him . He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'

OK.....More Shit to wonder about When you have nothing better to do: 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in the swimming pool? 3. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? 5. There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of The Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar not called a racist? 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . ...they're cramming for their final exam. 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? 19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? 24. If you take an Oriental man and spin him in a circle until he's dizzy, does he become disoriented?

Things To Ponder 1. Can you cry under water? 2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunkydunk." 3. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 4. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 8. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 9. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 10. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 11. Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV? 12. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 13. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? 14. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? 15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! 16. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? 17. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 18. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. 19 Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? 20. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! 21. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Dream Girl - Hericane Alice

Other Side - Pink Cream 69

She - Kiss

Four Winds - Tangier

Love Is Like A Rock - Donnie Iris

Key - REO Speedwagon

3 Lock Box - Hammy Sagar

Holy Mans War - Icon

Do you have a video of the Bump N Grind thing you do? We'd love to see it on the site. Then maybe people would forget about Janet Jackson for a while

Bring The Revolution - Guild Of Ages

Walk This Way - Aerosmith

No More Whisky on your Wheaties in the morning MJ! On With The Show - Motley Crue

How do you go from Up All Night to Stand or fall? Sheeeesh! Continuing with Up All Night All Night With The Light On - Michael Monroe

It looks like LOVE is still the word, so: Looks Like Love - Wildside

lovin Touchin Squeezin - Journey Got Me twice

Hard Luck Woman - Kiss