Fat Freddy

"Cherry 2000" (1987) In the desolate future of 2017 (ha!), a yuppie from the city hires a female "tracker" (Melanie Griffith) to guide him through the desert wastelands so he can find a replacement model for his beloved robot wife. This quirky cult action comedy is an entertainingly weird mash up of genres (cyberpunk sci-fi, Western, post-apocalypse, and yes, even romance) but somehow it manages to make all the clashing ideas and styles work. I had seen this flick once before on HBO but that was dog years ago, and I remembered next to nothing about it. I'm glad I revisited it cuz this "Cherry" was cool stuff. Recommended.

"Top Dog" (1995) A tough San Diego cop (Chuck Norris) is saddled with a scruffy new canine partner and together the mismatched pair must solve a series of bombings. Lots of car crashes, shootouts, and explosions follow. Imagine "K-9" or "Turner & Hooch" with way more slow motion roundhouse kicking. This cheap looking flick tried to mesh a standard Chuck Norris butt-kicking action plot with some cute animal hi-jinks in order to pass itself off as a "family" film, but its story is too dark and violent for kids (the bad guys are home-grown Neo-Nazi terrorists!) and too silly for grown-ups. In a classic example of bad timing, "Top Dog" opened a week after the Oklahoma City bombing... and when it tanked, it took the remnants of Norris' declining film career with it. Fortunately he already had "Walker: Texas Ranger" up and running by the time this movie crashed and burned.

"Resident Evil" (2002) A security team has to fight its way out of a secret corporate facility crawling with zombie-fied employees and flesh munching mutations after a lab accident with a top secret virus gets seriously out of hand. Based on the long running series of video games, this loud, chaotic slab of high tech sci-fi/horror nonsense was directed by Paul W.S. Anderson of "Event Horizon" and "Alien vs Predator" fame and launched an equally long running film franchise. I doubt I'll bother to watch any of the half dozen or so sequels that followed this one, but it was an entertainingly silly time killer on a rainy day.

"Ms. .45" (1981) A mousy NYC garment district employee is raped twice in the same day (what are the odds?), which understandably causes a mental breakdown. Eventually she becomes a vigilante by night, blowing away street punks, pimps, and hustlers. Abel Ferrara's female "Death Wish" variant is equal parts gory and artsy. This was pretty strong stuff for 1981 but nowadays it's almost quaint. Still worth a look if you're a grindhouse completist, esp. for the old-school downtown New York locations, which are so grimy you can almost smell the garbage and the hobo urine.

Um...yikes. It was sounding pretty good till that mongoloid chorus kicked in... good grief, what the hell was that? "TAKE IT TO THE CROSS TAKE IT TO THE CROSS TAKE IT TO THE CROSS TAKE IT TO THE CROOOOOOOOSSSSS!"

Stryper might as well *be* Michael Sweet's solo stuff nowadays, haha. He writes the songs, produces the albums, they record them in his home studio, he tells Robert and Oz when and where they can pee, etc. About the only thing he doesn't do is burn the CDs himself and deliver them to retailers.

Tim didn't play on that album ("Murder By Pride")... that was Tracy Ferrie

Ahh, I had a vague feeling that he might've played on that one but wasn't 100 percent sure.

Black Sabbath - Cross Purposes Pantera - Power Metal Nuclear Assault - Something Wicked Motorhead - Kiss of Death Jet - Get Born

He does have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor... which is probably why so many "fans" think he's a dick, cuz a lot of times that sarcasm (esp. in his online posts) is very subtle. Yep, he obviously gets a kick out of messing with the more gullible members of their social media following, and likes to expose the dummies... a while ago someone asked him what his favorite Christian metal band was...naturally, he said "Black Sabbath," and predictably, everyone lost their frickin minds. You could practically hear him cackling.

I don't think Darren played on any L/H records but he was in the band for a brief spell during the Wasted in America tour - he was in the line up the first time I saw them live in late 92/early 93.

^^ but if I get off Facebook, where will I go to feel smug and superior to all the fucktards?? Seriously tho, it's comedy gold. Prior to the title/cover reveal, Michael Sweet had been teasing that they were going for something a little more "shocking" and "controversial" this time out, and all their good little nut swingers were like "Yay Stryper! Sounds great! Can't wait! Praise Jeebus!"... then when they posted the new album cover those same "fans" are like "WAAAH! We don't like it, It's got a swear word on it!" ...which of course is exactly what M. Sweet wanted... he's probably been watching his notifications blow up for the past few days and laughing his ass off the whole time.

Got these super cheap on bootleg haven iOffer (all the way from Latvia!)... so obviously I have no illusions that they're original pressings, haha Pantera - Power Metal Black Sabbath - Cross Purposes Nuclear Assault - Something Wicked

I love the cover, and the last couple of albums have been bad-ass, so I'm in. ...and predictably, the "We're-Sheltered-and-Get-Offended-Over-Everything" portion of their fan base is already giving them a ton of crap on their Facebook about the use of the term "God Damn." (rolls eyes). Wait till they realize the release date is 4/20, so they can get their undies in a bunch over that too.

"Devil's Express" (aka "Gang Wars," 1976) A pair of streetwise New York martial artists travel to Hong Kong for a tournament and accidentally bring home an ancient Chinese demon, which then takes up residence in the Harlem subway tunnels and starts mutilating unlucky straphangers. Murder, mayhem and poorly choreographed fight scenes ensue. I have wanted to see this batsh*t insane no-budget mash up of the blaxploitation, kung-fu, and horror genres ever since I first came across the trailer on YouTube a few years ago and witnessed the mighty Afro of the heroic Warhawk Tanzania in action - (by the way, "Warhawk Tanzania" is the COOLEST movie-hero name EVER, hands down). Thanks to Amazon Prime I was finally able to knock this trashy nugget off of my bucket list. Make no mistake, this movie's a total mess, but it's an entertaining one!

"Atomic Blonde" (2017) This slick, stylish, ultra violent spy flick stars Charlize Theron as an MI6 agent sent to East Germany, where she has to escort a Russian defector who possesses an important document to the West before the Berlin Wall comes down. Charlize is a babe, of course, and it's tons of sadistic fun watching her beat the ever lovin' crap out of every bad guy who crosses her path. Not a must-see, but an entertaining butt kicker with some impressive stunt work and a great soundtrack of '80s Euro-pop (incl. Nena, Re-Flex, Depeche Mode, Peter Schilling, David Bowie, and more).

"Tenebre" (aka "Tenebrae," 1982) An author comes to Rome to promote his latest horror novel, and someone begins murdering his close associates in ways that mirror the death scenes in his book. Dario Argento directed this artsy, oh-so-'80s giallo/slasher flick, which features lotsa pretty girls and plenty of splashy gore, but the story is weak and the performances and dubbing are awkward at best - in other words, it's a pretty typical Italian horror flick. Unca Dario has done way way better but I've seen lots worse.

"Hardcore Henry" (2016) A cybernetic assassin is brought back from the dead and proceeds to run, jump, fight, and shoot his way across Moscow's underworld in this virtually plotless Russian/American co-production. This non-stop action flick's big gimmick is that the movie is shot from "Henry's" point of view, which is kind of neat at first, but eventually it feels like you're watching someone else play a first-person-shooter video game. My ten year old loved this but I was bored stiff within fifteen minutes. AVOID.

"Psycho Cop" (1989) Six obnoxious college kids having a party weekend at a secluded vacation home are picked off one by one by a serial killing police officer/Satanist for no apparent reason whatsoever. Yup, that's the whole plot. This dumb-as-dirt, direct-to-video schlocker seems to be trying for a tongue-in-cheek horror/comedy vibe, but it isn't gory, sleazy, or funny enough to pull it off. It's pointless, poorly acted, and generic as they come. Stick with the far superior "Maniac Cop" series to get your fix of cop-related carnage. AVOID.

"The New Gladiators" (aka "Rome 2072 AD: The New Gladiators," 1984) It's the year 2072, and the highest rated TV program on Earth is a live broadcast from the Roman Coliseum, where death row inmates from around the world battle it out in a kill-or-be-killed contest to gain their freedom...which, naturally, is fixed so nobody actually "wins." Lucio "Zombie" Fulci directed this enjoyably cheesy, ultra-violent post apocalytic mash-up of "Death Race 2000," "Knightriders" and "Rollerball" which features hilariously cheap special effects and costumes. Your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for Italian Z-Movie silliness.

"All For the Love..." was sung by Eric Singer, who just happens to do a pretty damn fine Criss vocal impression. Peter was loooong out of the band by the time Kiss did "Monster." He quit in 2004.

Some more Goodwill scores: Pantera - Vulgar Display of Power Great White - The Best of Great White* Billy Idol - Vital Idol The Who - Who's Next ("Ultimate Master Disc" Gold CD edition) *everything on this G.W. disc is duplicated on the "Very Best of Great White 1986-1992" comp that I already own, except for a live cover of Zep's "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You," which was enough to justify a re-buy. It's a sickness.

Anything by Body Count and/or The Mentors

"Almost Human" (aka "The Death Dealer," 1974) A low-level Italian hood, tired of making small scores while working for others, hatches a plan to kidnap the daughter of a wealthy businessman for a big ransom payment. In the course of carrying out the plot, lots of other people are murdered, raped, and tortured, while a tough police inspector (Henry Silva) races against time to rescue the girl. A primo slice of sleazy, ultra-violent "Polizzioteschi" Eurocrime action from the always dependable Umberto Lenzi of "Cannibal Ferox" and "Nightmare City" fame.

"Blood Beach" (1981) A Southern California seaside area is plagued by a series of sudden disappearances. Eventually some cops and a Harbor Patrol officer figure out that the missing people are being devoured by an unseen creature that lives beneath the sand. Yikes! This land-locked "Jaws" variant stars some familiar B-Movie faces like John Saxon and Burt ("Rocky") Young, which may give it some cult-movie cred but overall it's pretty dull. "Blood Beach" spends way too much time on the police-procedural elements (and a budding romance between Harbor Patrol Guy and the foxy daughter of the first victim), and not nearly enough on the monster mayhem. When you finally do get to see the extremely cheap looking monster (five minutes before the movie ends) it looks like a jumbo sized marital aid. If you absolutely have to watch every "Jaws" inspired knock-off ever made, go nuts, but otherwise you can skip a trip to this "Beach."