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ksymrtn

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  5. STRESS RELIEF

    in Exquisite Entropy

    Posted

    On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and

    suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

     

    The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."

     

    And God agreed.

     

    On the second day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who

    comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

     

    The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."

     

    So God agreed (sigh).

     

    On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people,do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll

    give you a twenty year life span."

     

    The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so

    that's what I'll do too, okay?"

     

    And God agreed again.

     

    On the forth day God created man.

     

    God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy,enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."

     

    Man said, "What? Only twenty years! No way, man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave

    back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

     

    "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

     

    So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex,enjoy, and do nothing; for the next

    forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

     

    Life has now been explained.

  23. STRESS RELIEF

    in Exquisite Entropy

    Posted

    FROM 13 TO 1 -- THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY:

     

    13. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway...

     

    12. Life is sexually transmitted...

     

    11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die...

     

    10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich...

     

    9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother

    you for weeks...

     

    8. Some people are like Slinkies . .not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when

    you see one tumble down the stairs...

     

    7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...

     

    6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again..

     

    5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism..

     

    4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

     

    3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal...

     

    2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close

    resemblance to the first...

     

    AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

     

    You read about all these Terrorists most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired

    visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration & Homeland Security...

     

     

     

    :drink::P

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