jason (FA-Q)

Hey MJ (aka: bubbasmama), I got one fo' ya...

How do you make a baby drink?...

...Stick it in the blender.

HA!HA!HA!HE!HE!HE!HO!HO!HO!

HA!HA!HA!... Okay, okay... Whoooo...

This next one might be a little tough for T-bone to understand, so I'll speak reeeeeeeeaaaaaal sloooooooow.

What did the apple say to the worm?...

...You're boring me.

HA!HA!HA!.... I'm on a fuckin' roll!

I am sooooo fuckin' funny!

Oh.... You want more..... YOU GOT IT!

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA! I am sooooo fuckin' funny!!

Did you hear about the 180-pound guy with the 90-pound testicles?...

...People say he was half-nuts!

HA!HA!HA!

T-Bone asked his Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

HA!HA!HA!

What is a 6.9?...

...A 69 interupted by a period.

Ooooooooooooooooooooo

I see that Scandinavia has pulled his head out of his mothers vagina long enough to attempt another shot at being funny.

It didn't work, so why don't you put your head between your mothers thighs, and ram it back up her putrid gash.

<----- Scandinavia can't wait to climb on top of his corpulent mother. HA!HA!HA!

Flies On Fire ~ Outside Looking In

I got this gem for only a buck!.......... Fuckin'-A-right!

Cinderella ~ Long Cold Winter

Bought this one used for about seven and a half bucks. Not a bad deal.

Kid Rock ~ Cocky

Great album.

Strange, Silly & Stupid Short Jokes......

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

He's all right now.

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How do crazy people like T-Bone go through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

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How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

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What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?

"Dam".

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What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids.

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What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?

Quatro sinko.

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What is a zebra?

26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

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T-Bone once told me what the difference is between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

He said it's the taste. ( I'll take his word for it!)

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

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Where do you find a no legged dog?

Right where you left him.

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Where do you get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep.

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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

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How do you get two bagpipers in tune?

Shoot one.

Ok, here are 5 short jokes

1. Q: What's the diffrence between Kobe Bryant and Christopher Reeves.

A: Kobe will walk.

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2. Q: What does a NASCAR couple have in common?

A: Their DNA!

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3. Q. How do you know if a Chinese person has robbed your house?

A. Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later he is still trying to back out of your driveway.

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4. Q: How did the blonde get her ears pierced?

A: Answering the stapler.

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5. Government Announcement:

The government announced today that it is changing it's emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the government's political stance.

The condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting screwed.

Presidental sex quiz

1. Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl while he joked about being too wasted to push the button in case of nuclear attack?

2. Which president alleged had affairs with both a winner AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant?

3. Which president made love to one of his secretaries stretched out atop a desk in the oval office?

4. Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as children) with a slave who was his wife's half sister?

5. Which president called his mistress Pookie?

6. Which president married a woman who hadn't yet divorced her first husband and was branded an adulterer during his re-election campaign?

7. Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbor's wife while he was engaged to someone else?

8. Which president had a torrid affair with the first lady's person secretary?

9. Which president made love to a young woman in a White House coat closet ? at one point, while a secret service agent prevented the hysterical first lady from attacking them?

10. Which president made love in a closet while telling his lover about the other president who made love in a closet (the one in Question 9]?

11. Which vice president was cheesed off because he felt that HIS record of sexual conquests was more impressive than the president's?

12. Which future president, while a college student, loved showing off his manhood (which he named Jumbo)?

ANSWERS

1. John F. Kennedy

2. Bill Clinton

3. Lyndon B. Johnson

4. Thomas Jefferson

5. Bill Clinton

6. Andrew Jackson

7. George Washington

8. Franklin D. Roosevelt

9. Warren G. Harding

10. John F. Kennedy

11. Lyndon B. Johnson

12. Lyndon B. Johnson

BONUS QUESTION:

Before he became president,what was John F. Kennedy's nickname in Palm Beach?

Jack Rabbit

Jumper Jack

Mattress Jack

The last couple of days I have been listening to "The Colour And The Shape" CD by The Foo Fighters in my car.

Hey Tim!

It's just a joke, man! It doesn't require an exact science.

My new work philosophy:

Always give 100% at work...

12% on Monday

23% on Tuesday

40% on Wednesday

20% on Thursday

5% on Fridays

And remember...

When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.

Now get back to work.

Ten signs you're working to hard ...

1. You're so tired you now answer the phone "hell"

2. You're best friend calls to ask how you've been and you immediately scream" get off by back, BITCH"

3. Your garbage can is you're "in" box

4. You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care

5. You have so much on you're mind that you've forgotten how to pee

6. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday

7. You sleep more at work than you do at home

8. You leave for a party and instinctively bring you're briefcase

9. Your palm pilot exploded a week ago

10. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now ...

Billy Joebob (aka: T-Bone), while a total idiot was a gifted portrait artist.

His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joebob if he could paint her in the nude.

This was the first time anyone had made this request.

The beautiful lady said money was no object, she was willing to pay $50,000.

Not willing to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joebob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with this wife.

In a few minutes he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it.

However, he would have to leave his socks on so he would have some place to wipe his brushes.

Boy, you sure are long winded for someone with nothing at all to say. The next time that you try to be funny, would you please highlight the punch-line, because I just don't see it. (?)

= jason (FA-Q)

= Scandinavia

Take it easy Jason...The idea was an imaginary line-up so I guess dead musicians and "non-related" artists are okay... :freak:

Scandinavia,

If I wanted any of your lip, I would pull it off of Tasha's ass! (get it?)

66 mustang,

What chew talkin' 'bout, willis?

tdab, you ain't scared.............. are you?

Ok, let's break this down...... tdab line-up:

First of all, how could you ever put Cliff Burton, and S.R.V. together in a band????? Where's the musical bridge that ties those two together? Also, tdab is letting us pick between layne staley or mike patton. Again, these two guys are nothing alike, but tdab thinks they would both work well in this line up. Alot of people would say that Layne wasn't even a good singer, and that's why Jerry did alot of the singing on albums like "SAP" and "Jar Of Flies."

I don't know?...... What do you think?

Scandinavia,

Hey my boy, sober up, would ya? You don't need to post every song that your sister is singing to you in the shower.

It seems that tdab likes a bunch of dead people playing in a band together??? Can't happen! Don't be a freak......

Any-hoo, here is a great line-up.

Singer: Josh Todd

Guitar: Frank Hannon

Guitar: Zakk Wylde

Bass: Bill Gould

Drums: Dave Grohl

1. Econoline Crush - The Devil You know

2. Dust For Life - s/t

3. Black Label Society - The Blessed Hellride

4. Def Leppard - High N Dry

5. Pantera - Reinventing The Steel

(300th post)

Scandinavia,

Don't be so lazy....... digital this, digital that.... Blah, blah, blah. Give me raw! Raw is rock!

Scandinavia,

Hmmm..... The last time I checked, I didn't ask for your opinion.

And, what the hell! Where do you get off thinking that Hysteria & Adrenalize are any good?.... Once that band became five members with only 9 arms is when they started to SUCK!

I agree with Blue Charvel.