Helpless Fucking Feeling

[Axelinger]

It’s an absolutely helpless, fucking feeling when you see someone you know fall under the spell of a master manipulator, who takes over their entire life, and they flat out refuse to believe it’s happening to them when all the signs are so damn obvious. I met this person in a chat room back around March, and she was intelligent and witty, and took music requests, which she played for everyone. The room was usually really rocking, and a lot of fun to be in. Then suddenly in April, the asshole showed up. From the first words texted by this creep, I knew he was bad news, but I didn’t say anything – although I clearly recall thinking, “Who the fuck is this motormouthing asshole?”

 

The first thing the jerk texted was, “I’m a dom (dominant)”. Followed in rapid order with such shit as: “I’m a master dom”, “Are you into pain and BDSM?”, “Have you ever heard of a dom contract?”, and “Can I e-mail you some information on the dom and submissive lifestyle?” And it continued ad nauseum. My friend was admittedly tired that evening, but she politely answered each one of this bozo’s questions. I thought she was cluing in to his intent and just humoring him, but apparently, it took a more sinister turn in a very short time.

I’d been sending her music files on messenger (Threshold, The Moody Blues), and we’d talked back and forth a few times, and were developing a nice friendship when she just suddenly disappeared offline for a week. All contact cut off – something about a “workshop”. I didn’t think anything of it, but when she returned she was noticeably different – distracted; not herself. I later read that narcissist manipulators will usually try to isolate a victim very early on by getting them away from all outside contact. She began mentioning this new mysterious “friend”, and how once this friend “summoned her”, she had to drop everything and leave. In short order, she began referring to this person as, “The Summoner”, which is a classic term a narcissist sociopath will use to exert control over their submissive. Again, shortly after this, she disappeared offline again for 2 weeks – no contact; chat room dormant.

 

When she returned, the bullshit really started. “The Summoner” had now become, “Her Fella”, and she informed me that he didn’t want her operating her chat room anymore, so she said that is what she will do – although she would miss her “peeps”. She hosted her room one last time – during which the asshole showed up, and began making statements of superiority like he was King Shit over everyone else in the room. To my knowledge, the room has remained closed.

 

I began looking back over her texts, and a startling pattern of isolation and control appeared in her messages. I sat down and pieced everything together for her in a long letter, expressing concern that I believed she was being controlled and manipulated by this jerk. I had to guess at the person I thought it was because she never came right out and said who he was. But I was right! It WAS the asshole with the idiotic dom statements. Now, bear in mind, this is not a stupid woman I’m talking about here. When I met her in her room, she was intelligent and very independent, but there she was slowly losing her control, and allowing a fucking jerk to dictate what she could do, what she could wear, who she could communicate with online, and it really alarmed me as to how someone seemingly so in charge of her own shit could fall for such bullshit, but there it was – unfolding right in front of me, and I was powerless to do anything about it.

 

She dismissed my letter entirely, saying such things as, “He’s wonderful,” and “I’ve never met anyone like him’, and frighteningly, “If he beckoned me down into darkness, I would follow him”. Holy fuck! I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Anyway, she gave me royal shit, accused me of trying to be a “White Knight”, and dismissing everything I’d written. The warning signs were spelled out for her in great detail, but she simply refused to see any of it as what was happening to her. We actually agreed to stay in contact, but… Last time I talked to her was a week ago – same distracted nonsense. I sent her some TV sketch files via e-mail four days ago – no reply; no messenger reply – no nothing.

 

She lives way out in the middle of nowhere, and I think the asshole flies in (from another country), and that’s when she goes missing in action. I really, truly fear for her well-being. Like I said, she is not an unintelligent woman, but a master manipulator can easily con people of high intelligence, and I hate to say it, but this asshole has got her so under control, there is literally nothing I can say or do to make her see that. So… I’ve decided to just walk away, and offer no more contact. I just can’t take standing by helplessly and seeing her get dragged down and dominated like some kind of slave. I care for her, and I value the friendship we have, but I just can’t bear to see her let herself get hurt.

 

Sorry for ranting. I just had to get it off my chest. The feeling is just so fucking helpless.

[Jacob M.]

I'm slightly confused by this story. What kind of chat room was this? Did it involve a web cam girl?

[KarpetRydOFunk]

That sucks.

 

My cousin is dealing with some shit. Not on the same level, but his wife seems to be very manipulative. I haven't said anything, yet, but I'm real close to. I don't think I can bear to see him like this much longer.

[Axelinger]

I'm slightly confused by this story. What kind of chat room was this? Did it involve a web cam girl?

No, she's not a webcam girl in the sense of doffing her clothing. She just talks to people, and plays music for everyone.

[simo]

I'm either too old or too young for this..... but what kind of chat room, do people still do that? With facebook, smartphones and all

[CureTheSane]

Sounds like a sexual thing obviously.

Hard to be too involved in that, some people are into weird shit and maybe he awakened her to it?

I understand your feeling of helplessness though, and you were right to walk away.

My best friend is getting divorced.

Marriage was around 15 years and he ended up cheating on her with his masseuse, who doesn't hold Australian citizenship.

Ended up deciding to leave his wife (they have 2 kids together)

He made the decision for himself and his happiness.

Whilst I morally object to the way he went about it, this is not really my business so I support his changes.

What I tried to help out with was the legal stuff. Together he and his wife own a lot of property and she was clearly looking to secure everything she could, and also the majority of access to their kids.

My friend is living for his happiness, and not thinking too much about long term, he just wants out.

So I went with him to the first couple of meetings with his lawyers to make sure they were aware of everything they needed to know.

He was on the right track, but ha since slipped off into "getting it all out of the way" and I know he will sacrifice a lot financially and also with his kids.

But I am not getting involved again, I did what I could to get him of the right path and the choices he makes now are at least educated and made knowing the consequences.

Some people you just can't help and have to let them make their own path....

[Jacob M.]

I didn't realize such a thing existed (the chat room thing). It's unfortunate when stuff like that happens. I found myself in the middle of one of these situations a few years ago. Thought the guy was manipulating her. He likely was. Later I found out she was f'ing crazy too. So I probably would have been better off just cutting ties with her.

[simo]

Don't stress about it man, just let it go. She'll find out for herself

[Axelinger]

Later I found out she was f'ing crazy too.

 

I've come to this conclusion, too. Has to be. No rational human being would carry on as she does. Done, done, and done.